Braxton Hicks

I first realized I was having Braxton Hicks about two weeks ago after talking to a friend. She asked me if I had Braxton Hicks yet and I said no, I don't think so. I thought you only got Braxton Hicks at the end of your pregnancy right before you deliver. I didn't realize that you could get them as early as 16 weeks. I had her describe what they felt like and read a bit about them on-line and realized that the stomach cramps where my abdomen would be hard that had been waking me up just about every night at 5 am were ACTUALLY Braxton Hicks. So, then I started paying attention to all the times that my stomach would get upset during the day...I am not one of the lucky ones that only had nausea in the 1st trimester and realized that I actually have BH quite frequently. In the past week, I did a little reading about BH and learned that as long as they weren't coming in regular intervals or causing back pain that I didn't need to worry about them. I sometimes will have multiple in an hour and was talking to a co-worker about it today and she said that I shouldn't have that many this early and that I should check with my midwife. I decided to call my mom to see if she thought I should call my midwife because I didn't want to be paranoid and she said I should call. The nurse wanted me to come in immediately, but I couldn't (a) because I didn't think it was that big a deal and (b) because I had meetings for work all afternoon. My midwife then called and said that I should come in just tomorrow morning to be sure, particularly because I am flying to MN for a wedding tomorrow. I relayed all this to my mom and she freaked out. She thinks that all my running is horrible and that the running is causing the BH and that I am being an irresponsible mother and that if something happens to the baby I would be to blame because of my "selfish" running. All of which is unfair. All the research that I had done didn't show any relationship between running and early labor. I, of course, am willing to do whatever is best for the baby, but I am not convinced at this point that running is the problem. We'll see what the midwife says tomorrow. My days of running may be over, but I hope not!

Running Stats for Week 25

Monday, July 21, 2008: 10 miles
Tuesday, July 22, 2008: 8.5 miles
Wednesday, July 23, 2008: 7 miles
Thursday, July 24, 2008: 10 miles
Friday, July 25, 2008: 8.5 miles
Saturday, July 26, 2008: 10 miles
Sunday, July 27, 2008: 6 miles
Total Mileage: 60 miles

Aches and Pains: I have been steadily having more and more calf pain/foot pain since week 18. It usually starts about 1/2 mile into my run and lasts until mile 3-5 and then goes away. I started walking up hills until the 3-5 mile point and letting the lactic acid drain out of my calves before continuing again, but it is very annoying. The pain in the bottom of my foot feels like my arches are collapsing and my feet go all numb. I was thinking that maybe I needed to get some motion-control shoes because they have more arch support, but I just bought new shoes in May. I typically start noticing "issues" around the 500 mile mark on my shoes and I guesstimate that I'm around 400-550 miles. I'm being cheap, though, and trying to wait until August to buy new shoes.

LESSONS LEARNED re: Nutrition, Heat and Running today: I typically eat 150-300 calories before I go on a run and 200-300 calories immediately after the run. Today I ate 1.5 kashi waffles with butter and blueberry syrup and a piece of walnut/orange/cranberry bread with cream cheese around 9:30 am. I'm guessing this was around 400-550 calories. Then, I read the paper for about an hour and went for a run in the blistering heat (I vow NEVER to run this late again!) and wasn't too hungry when I got back from the run. I ate some berries and drank 2 glasses of water and figured since I ate a good amount before the run that I could wait 45 minutes to grab my favorite hummus/vege/feta sandwich at this greek take-out restaurant near the farmer's market. BIG MISTAKE! I had a total melt-down on the walk to the farmer's market. My blood sugar crashed hard core and I was having a hard time walking in a straight line and I thought I was going to puke everywhere. My poor husband was even a little scared. So, we went straight to the greek take-out place and I downed some pita and hummus while we waited for our sandwiches. I felt so sick I could barely eat 1/2 my sandwich. I drank a coke and that helped a little bit. After sitting in the restaurant for 20 minutes, we went to the farmer's market, but I was still so sick that I just sat on a bench while my hubby picked up a couple of things. We walked the 1/2 mile home at a snail's pace. NEVER AGAIN! I will force myself to eat even if I am not hungry after my run AND I will set my alarm to make sure I am out of the door by 7:30 to run for the rest of the summer!!

Rumor: Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt conceive thru IVF

While waiting in like to buy the ingredients for a very yummy mango macadamia nut crisp, when I saw an article in one of the rag mags about how Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt used IVF to conceive "faster." For some reason it enraged me that they didn't want to be "stigmatized" by saying that they did IVF because there is something "wrong" with not being able to conceive naturally. And, I cannot believe they did IVF just to conceive "faster"...it seems like too much of a struggle simply to get pregnant quicker. I can't see why they didn't do IUI, Clomid assisted, or any other variety of fertility treatment instead. I assume that they most likely did IVF for a REASON. Perhaps Angelina has too low a body weight to ovulate? Given that celebrities have near hero status in the United States, I think they have an obligation to serve as role models. For example, I applaud Brooke Shields for talking openly about her struggle with post-partum depression. To have people in the public eye deny that they might have a biological reason to pursue IVF is a disservice to all the people in the world that struggle with infertility. I remember finding a very comforting site that listed all the celebrities that have struggled with infertility when we were going through fertility treatments.

All this being said, I vascillate between wanting to be very open about our experience with infertility and wanting to just concentrate on the baby that we are going to have. I want to be the person that my friends can say: "I know this woman that was young and active and healthy and she struggled with infertility and IVF worked for her." However, I find that talking candidly about our infertility makes fertile couples feel uncomfortable and that after speaking about it I feel very naked and exposed. Also, I think some nasty part of me wants to make the fertile couples uncomfortable because their assumptions that everyone gets pregnant easily and simple references in their conversations cause me to have very painful memories of our struggle. Not very actualized of me...

For example, last night we were having dinner with a very wonderful couple (for whom I made the mango macadamia nut crisp) and the female partner was talking about how she had already put herself on some waiting lists for childcare because they were going to start trying to have kids in the fall. That is an assumption that I cannot make. Back when I thought it wouldn't take that long and we were just starting to think about trying, I signed up for a waiting list and was kicked off 16 months later and still wasn't pregnant. Even now, at 25 weeks, I find it difficult to sign up for childcare because I am so afraid that things won't work out and I will get a call several months from now that remind me that at one point in time I was hopeful. I have only signed up for 3 childcare places...which for my city of overzealous parents is simply not enough and at over 6 months pregnant I am risking not getting into childcare before my child is a year old. I assume that something will work out.

It is amazing to me how--even now--after conceiving my baby and being clearly pregnant that I still get bitter at people that have no problems getting pregnant. I wish that I could assume that we will have a second child or that I should start thinking about strollers to carry two children when I feel that I barely have one child. This bitterness has definitely subsided and I think less and less about that painful time, but I still feel that I need to quietly remind people that not everyone is so lucky as to be able to concieve naturally. I have also had to catch myself from complaining about the cost of conceiving this child. We just got another $2000 bill in the mail to freeze the embryos and it reminded me again of how we are "different." But, on the flip-side, I have to remind myself that I would be very bitter if we had spent all this money and had no child to show for it. I am VERY lucky to have been able to conceive at all and to have conceived at my first round of IVF.

Running Stats for Week 24

I turn 24 weeks today! Here's my running log for the week, which I am pretty proud of given that I worked 70+ hours!

Monday, July 14, 2008: 8.5 miles
Tuesday, July 15, 2008: 10 miles
Wednesday, July 16, 2008: 7 miles
Thursday, July 17, 2008: 10 miles
Friday, July 18, 2008: 8.5 miles
Saturday, July 19, 2008: 10 miles
Sunday, July 20, 2008: Much needed day off, 3 mile walk
Total Mileage: 54 miles

Running Stats for Week 23

I turned 23 weeks today. Here's my running stats for this week.

July 7, 2008: 8.5 miles
July 8, 2008: 8.5 miles
July 9, 2008: 7 miles
July 10, 2008: 10 miles
July 11, 2008: 7 miles
July 12, 2008: 13 miles
July 13, 2008: 7 miles
Total Mileage: 61 miles

Weight Gain During Pregnancy

I should start this post by saying that I do not weigh myself on a regular basis--maybe three or four times a year, tops. I don't like to pay attention to weight because I usually weigh more than I think I should (my skinny weight in HS/college/grad school) and my weight usually fluctuates depending on how much I am running, what foods I am addicted to, whether I have a lot of social events, how much I am working, etc. Rather than focusing on a number on the scale or how many calories I eat, I concentrate on being healthy and active and feeling strong. Plus, I love eating and I can NOT be hungry--ever. I don't think I have dieted a day in my life. The moment I think about going on a diet I get the sudden urge to eat an entire container of peanut butter in one sitting.

This being said, gaining weight was one of my biggest dreads about pregnancy. I guestimate that I started out this pregnancy weighing 6-10 lbs more than I like to weigh for a variety of reasons. During my year of "trying" and my irregular cycles, I thought (and everyone told me) that gaining weight would regulate my cycles and that some women need to have at least 19-20% body fat in order to conceive. I was willing to try anything to get pregnant, so a little junk in the trunk was a small thing. So, I gained a few. Then, during my IVF cycle, my husband gave me chocolates and other sweet delights every night to "treat" me after my shots (will be discussed in my tips for husbands/significant others). And, I think I probably gained a few more. All this being said, I have no idea how much I weighed at the start of IVF or my pregnancy, just my guestimate.

For the past five months that I have been getting regular check-ups with my mid-wife, I have been requesting that they not tell me how much I weigh. I don't want to know. I figure if my weight becomes an issue (too much or too little) she will say something to me. She hasn't said anything, but I was curious and I felt strong enough to be able to stand on the scale and not beat myself up about the number, so I got on the scale this morning.

So, the scale said I have gained 4-6 lbs in the past 22 weeks. I got on twice. I thought it had to be wrong. I was sure that I was going to have gained 10+ lbs. My weight gain goal/hope for this pregnancy was ideally 20 lbs, but the healthy recommendation for my height and weight is 25-35 lbs. I have had two friends that only gained 20 lbs with their pregnancies and they weren't paranoid control freaks about food (that I know of) and they got back to their pre-pregnancy weight within 2-3 weeks of giving birth. I have also read that the less you gain, the easier your labor.

Anyway. We'll see how the remaining 17 weeks and 2 days goes. I could put on a lot between now and then! In the meantime, my weeks of running 50-65 miles is probably helping to keep the weight gain to a minimum.

Why am I doing this?

I never thought that I would be joining the blogosphere and participating in the Web 2.0 phenomenom, but here I am. I have gotten addicted to several blogs and on-line forums in the past eleven months since we started our journey with infertility and have found great comfort in the on-line community. I wanted to serve as another point of reference for young, active women struggling with infertility and be one more qualitative example of someone that has had a positive experience with IVF and has continued to find solace in exercise and activity.

So, let me give you my basic stats.

• I am 30 years old and have been a runner since high school, but not competitive. I have run 4 marathons with a marathon PR of 3:15, as well as numerous half-marathons, ten-milers, etc. I love running. It centers me and frees me unlike any other activity.
• My husband and I have been happily married since May 2004 and I am 22 weeks pregnant with my first baby (boy!) that I conceived during my first round of IVF in February 2008. I am (surprisingly) running during my pregnancy...which is wonderful on many counts. First and foremost, that I am finally pregnant and carrying what appears to be a healthy baby. Secondly, after curtailing my running for a year while "trying," I am finally able to run as much and as often as my legs will let me. I feel blessed to be able to have an active pregnancy after having such a difficult time conceiving.
• My journey with infertility began in February 2007, when three months shy of my 29th birthday I could no longer ignore my urge to have children and I finally realized there would never be "a right time" and I would never be prepared enough to say I was ready to be a parent and finally quit the pill after ten years. We tried for a couple of months, but didn't really pay attention to when we were having sex because we were also planning a big trip to Peru in April and knew that I wouldn't be able to take some of the vacines needed for the trip if I was pregnant. My cycles were irregular after stopping the pill and ranged from 32 to 44 days, which suggested some ovulatory dsyfunction. After our trip to Peru, I got serious about wanting to get pregnant and started reading every book on getting knocked up that I could get my hands on. I highly recommend Taking Charge of Your Fertility as it was the most comprehensive, educated book I found. After a couple of months of perfectly timed sex, I started to think that maybe something was wrong. I kept putting off visiting my OBGyn because I thought I was just being impatient. In September, after a 44 day cycle, I thought that perhaps I needed Clomid or some other drug to help me ovulate on a regular basis and finally went to my OBGyn. She sent me to a reproductive endocrynologist (RE), who wanted to run a battery of tests on both me and my husband. At the time, I felt silly being at the RE after only really "trying" for four months. I figured we'd run the tests and they would all come back normal and he'd just recommend putting me on something to regulate my cycles and help me ovulate. On October 30th, 2007, we met and he told us something very different. While my ovulatory dsyfunction was definitely a problem, my husband had very low morphology which would prevent us from being able to conceive a child naturally. The doctor suggested that we try 3 rounds of interuterine insemination (IUI) and then move on to in-vitro fertilization (IVF). I was shocked. He also suggested that I cut my running back to 20 miles a week (I had been running 40-50, which I had already cut back from my typical 50-70 when we first started trying). He found that I had some symptoms of Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS). I spent weeks crying over the diagnosis. I couldn't believe that two healthy young(ish) adults would have this problem and that I wouldn't get to have a natural, romantic conception. We did one round of IUI in November/December 2007, but after doing more research found that IUI doesn't really address my husband's morphology issue. In January, we started a new insurance plan which covered IVF 50% and decided that we would "use the bigger guns" and try IVF rather than two more rounds of IUI. I got lucky...I found out that I was positively pregnant with a very strong beta of 172 14 DPO on March 5th, 2008 which will forever be one of the best days in my life.

Wow. That ended up being longer than I expected. I will likely write more detail later, but just wanted to get everything down on paper.

Weekly Running Stats:

Monday, June 30, 2008: 8.5 miles

Tuesday, July 1, 2008: 8.5 miles

Wednesday, July 2, 2008: 7 miles

Thursday, July 3, 2008: 10 miles

Friday, July 4, 2008: 7 miles

Saturday, July 5, 2008: 13 miles

Sunday, July 6, 2008: 8.5 miles

Total Mileage: 62.5

Happy Running!