My BIG Girl! (and Week 32 Running Stats)

Had my 3-week check in with the perinatologist this morning. Baby Girl is doing great. Measuring in the 39th percentile (she was actually in the 45th percentile 3 weeks ago) and weighs approximately 4 lbs 6 oz, right on track! The doctor isn't concerned about this small drop from the 45th to 39th percentile. Her head still seems to be measuring small, but the doctor thinks is more likely due to the position of her head. Apparently she's pretty "far down," which is great. I can put my whole hand on my rib cage and press it down flat, so I have PLENTY of breathing room. I should be having more pelvic pressure (i.e., NEED to pee), but haven't really noticed that. I can sleep through the night just fine without having to use the bathroom. So, I go back in 3 more weeks (at 36 weeks!) to see if she is continuing to develop along the same growth curve.

If she continues to develop normally, then I guess I need to revise my running goals for this pregnancy. My goals were simply run as long as I can for as far as I can comfortably as long as baby girl seems to be getting all the food/sustenance she needs. In the back of my mind, though, I was just hoping to run through week 35 like I did with my son. In fact, I ran over 50 miles at week 35. Since I've never run farther into my pregnancy than that, I'm not really sure what I can expect. And, I would be lying if there weren't days that the only way I could force myself out of bed to run was the thought that I wouldn't be running that much longer. Maybe after 35 weeks I'll just cut back to every other day? Plus, I'm running out of room in my cold weather running gear!! Or, maybe this pregnancy I'll be one of those crazy people that runs up until delivery day?

Running Stats Week 32
Thursday, November 17, 2011: 9 miles
Friday, November 18, 2011: 7 miles, 1 mile walk
Saturday, November 19, 2011: 9 miles
Sunday, November 20, 2011: 8 miles run, 1 mile walk and Body Flow
Monday, November 21, 2011: 6 miles run
Tuesday, November 22, 2011: 9 miles run, 1 mile walk
Wednesday, November 23, 2011: 9 miles
Total Mileage: 57 miles + Yoga
Comparison to Pregnancy #1: 46 miles + cross training

Week 31 Running Stats and Belly Shot

Running Stats Week 31
Thursday, November 10, 2011: 9 miles
Friday, November 11, 2011: 6 miles
Saturday, November 12, 2011: 9 miles

Sunday, November 13, 2011: 8 miles
Monday, November 14, 2011: 6 miles + Yoga
Tuesday, November 15, 2011: 9 miles + Body Pump
Wednesday, November 16, 2011: 70 minutes elliptical

Total Mileage: 46 miles (I think...my memory fails me the specific mileage, but I think this is close...I remember thinking at some point that I wasn't going to run 50 miles, but was going to run over 40)
Comparison to Pregnancy #1: 34
miles + cross-training

Just a BLAH week running-wise. Lots of calve cramps, heavy legs, numb feet. I've been through this before. I can have a really crappy week of pregnant running and then feel AH-MA-Zing the following week. My theory: that I gain a bunch of weight, running sucks as I get used to the new weight, I plateau with the weight gain, running starts to feel better again, and then I gain more weight and the whole process starts all over. Just a theory though as I don't weigh myself.

Pictures from 32 weeks, 1 day!

(Um, I feel *really* self conscious with a photo of just myself in a sports bra, but I couldn't get a good photo with the shirts on...so I just took them off.)

Belly news: At my 32 week doctor appointment, I my fundal height was 31, so I'm measuring right on target this pregnancy! (By comparison, at 34 weeks during my last pregnancy, I was measuring 30).

How Do You Survive Multiple Rounds of IVF?

This question was posited on a local forum that I frequent regarding "TTC."


I like to go there and give positive encouragement/share knowledge re: local doctors whenever I start feeling sorry for myself...to remind myself that I am near the other side of this journey and how lucky I am no longer to be *hoping* to get pregnant.


Here was my response:


"You get depressed. You barely get off the couch. You rarely hang out with friends or leave the house. You gain weight. You wake up sobbing in the middle of the night. You break down at work. Your boss comments on how your performance has tanked. You get in huge fights with your husband. You drink too much. You contemplate suicide. You go to three different therapists. You fire them all. You get 8 different "second" opinions (including CCRM, CRMI, and SIRM). You wonder if you will ever be happy again. You hate pregnant people. You hate all people. You go to support groups. You become active in RESOLVE. You start a blog. You research adoption. You research donor eggs. You research childfree living.


You just keep going because the alternative sucks.


Or, you reach a point where you know that you can't do it anymore and you take a different path.


The KEY to surviving: finding others like you. That KNOW how you feel."


So, to all you ladies that have kept me company (and continue to do so): THANK YOU. You were the reason I survived.

SINGLE Digits, People!

I can't believe that I have less than 9 weeks until the baby is here! I made some good progress with preparations these past few weeks. I finally picked out the fabric for the baby's curtains and her bedding, got her room painted, hung some pictures, have all of her baby clothes folded or hanging in her closet, etc. I'll post pictures once I get the curtains. Etsy has been my primary decorating source!

Running Stats Week 30

Thursday, November 3, 2011: 9 miles

Friday, November 4, 2011: 6 miles

Saturday, November 5, 2011: OFF

Sunday, November 6, 2011: 9 miles

Monday, November 7, 2011: 9 miles

Tuesday, November 8, 2011: 9 miles

Wednesday, November 9, 2011: 9 miles

Total Mileage: 51 miles

Comparison to Pregnancy #1: 32.5 miles + cross-training

My legs/calves have been hurting again and I've been walking a good portion of most of these "runs." But, whatever, I'll "vanity size" my runs.

31 weeks, 1 day picture:

The big news is: my sister had her babies at 38 weeks. Both healthy.

And, I don't want to hear about it. I don't really want to talk about it. I'm sick of my mother calling me to talk about how my sister is doing. I'm sick of my sister complaining about how "uncomfortable" she was and how upset she was that her house renovation wasn't finished in time for the babies. I don't want to see pictures of them. I don't feel like cooing over them.

Big f'ing deal. She had twin babies and did ONE freaking IUI cycle to get them (THE ONLY cycle she EVER tried to get pregnant because she doesn't ovulate on her own). She never even saw ONE negative pregnancy test. One year after starting to try for kids, she has TWO. You know where I was one year after starting trying? I was starting my first cycle of IVF.

I KNOW I have no right to be bitter. I KNOW there are others that have endured more, for longer, and gotten less in return. I KNOW. And, I hate myself for being bitter. For not being able to just SUCK IT UP and accept LIFE AIN'T FAIR and stop throwing a tantrum like a freaking 2 year old. I try to mask it. I try to act happy for her.

But, I'm not.

I'm jealous and angry.

I'm jealous of the ease with which she conceived. I'm angry that she doesn't seem to appreciate how easy it was for her. I'm angry that everyone is acting like this is a BIG DEAL and that she is a SAINT for having twins. I'm angry that her twins are detracting attention from the baby girl I worked SO F'KING HARD to conceive. I'm angry that people feel sorry for my sister since her house renovation isn't complete in time to take the babies home. That's a f PAPER CUT in terms of life's challenges.

I am ANGRY that instead of being sympathetic about how her pregnancy might have been hard for me....she instead was ANGRY that I wasn't happy for her and she "didn't want to feel apologetic for being pregnant." I'm ANGRY that I am the one that has to SUCK IT UP and BE THE BETTER person and be nice to her. AGAIN. I'm angry that the ONE time in my life that I was really dealing with a CRISIS she couldn't turn the other cheek.

Like I did time and time again when her eating disorder and alcoholism impacted me. Like I did when she blatantly lied about said eating disorder and alcoholism. Like I did when she screamed at me at my other sister's wedding for trying to get her to "ease up on the drinking" so she wouldnt' slur her way through the matron of honor speech. Like I did when she lied about leaving her husband (last summer). Like I did when she told me that she cheated on her husband.

I need some tough love folks. Tell me to grow up. Tell me how to get perspective. Tell me where I can stuff these feelings. Because I hate being such a bitter, petty person.

30 Week Belly Shot Comparison

Just a quick running stats update and a belly shot comparison from pregnancy #1 & #2...


Week 29 Running Stats
October 27, 2011: 6 miles, Body Flow
October 28, 2011: 9 miles
October 29, 2011: 60 minutes Elliptical
October 30, 2011: 10 miles walking around and cheering for MCM Runners!!!
October 31, 2011: 10 miles
November 1, 2011: 9 miles
November 2, 2011: 9 miles
Total Mileage: 43 miles + Cross Training
Comparison to Pregnancy #1: 43 miles + Cross Training (wow! exactly the same!)


Belly Shot from 30 weeks, 1 day:











Comparison to belly during pregnancy #1!

Much bigger this time! Oh, which reminds me: I had my appointment with my perinatologist (I keep spelling this incorrectly). Baby's head is at 10th percentile, arms and legs at 50th percentile, and abdomen at 25% percentile. 40th percentile over all. So, this little baby is much bigger than her brother. Weirdly, though, at 30 weeks during my first pregnancy, my fundal height measured 30 cm at at 30 weeks during this pregnancy my fundal height was 27.5 cm at 30 weeks (which is still within the normal range). Fundal height is subjective, though.

Three Years Ago Today

Three years ago today, at 1 am…I awoke to contractions unlike the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been experiencing for months. I excitedly awoke my husband, squeezing his arm and smiling, because THE DAY had come. We were finally going to get to meet our baby boy. I spent the rest of the early morning hours lying in bed, trying to sleep through the contractions, anxiously awaiting to confront the unknowns: what would my boy look like? What would labor feel like? Would my son be healthy and normal? At that point, I had resolved that Nugget didn't have a trisomy, but there was some doubt, given his small stature. We had hoped to have a natural delivery. I dutifully attended hypnobirthing classes and spent hours meditating to try and teach myself to relax. An utter failure. At 7 am, we got up and went to vote. It was an important presidential election and we didn't want to miss it. Plus, we figured that we would have plenty of time since we were only in early labor. We walked the two blocks to the election location, taking breaks when I had contractions, and got in the long line that wrapped around the block. At some point, an election official noticed that I was having contractions and came over to ask if I was OK. Sure, I replied, indicating that I was only in early labor and probably had hours before anything interesting would start happening. They didn't want me to go into labor on site, however, and insisted that we go to the front of the line and vote. Vote we did! I got a sticker for myself ("I voted!") and my belly ("Future Voter"). And, we headed home to labor for a couple more hours before heading to the hospital for the first of many roundtrips that day. If you really want to read the full labor story, go here.

In the end, Nugget was born early the next morning, after a delicious epidural and a lot of screaming. My first words when he was born: "Is he healthy?" and "What's wrong with his head?"

The years have passed both too slowly and too quickly since then. There are moments when I think I shouldn't bother writing any of this down as I think some of my little Nugget's antics will be sealed away in my memory forever. But, I worry that my memories are already starting to fade from this precious time in our lives. He has brought us such joy (and frustration:>). There is nothing we love more than to watch him revel n something, figure something out, or conquer a new milestone. I'm not sure how to describe his personality, as I think character is defined by contrast, and I can't say that I know too many children his age. Plus, I think personality is something that evolves. What defines him now, may be contradictory later.

He loves to play swords, yelling "ON GUARD!," and running around the house.
He's stubborn and doesn't like to be disciplined. If you tell him he shouldn't hit, kick, or shove, he'll coyly look the other way and sob when you put him in time out. But, in the end, he'll give his victim a hug and a kiss and profess "I sorry!" while running away.
He likes to put together puzzles or figure out how things fit together.
He loves to cook and most nights will stand on a step stool meticulously stirring pots (and miraculously not getting burned). His favorite dish: "I cook chicken eggs."
He is affectionate and hugs and kisses everyone when leaving.
He loves to dress up as a MONSTER and growl ferociously or run around in his cape saying "I FLY! I FLY!"
He wants his mommy first and foremost and believes that my kiss makes his boo boos better.

I desperately love him so much it hurts. As all mothers love their children. I fear the time when I won't be able to protect him from pain. When children make fun of his idiosyncracies and he will actually care what they think. When life disappoints him and he has to struggle with the hard truth that it isn't fair. Love hurts. Failure hurts. I fear the time when he won't want to know me or let me know him. When he will separate from me and move on with his own life. For always, there will be a phantom string between us, pulling at my heart. For he is my boy, my love.