Weeks 29 and 30

This was my view during my morning jog along the coast....

Well, got back from Maine last night and am a mixture of happy to be back to my life and able to work on my "checklist" again and sad to leave a slower pace.

Week 29 Running Stats
Monday, August 18, 2008: 8.5 miles
Tuesday, August 19, 2008: 7 miles
Wednesday, August 20, 2008: 75 min elliptical
Thursday, August 21, 2008: 8.5 miles
Friday, August 22, 2008: 7 miles
Saturday, August 23, 2008: 6 miles run, 3 mile hike up Mt. Megunticook
Sunday, August 24, 2008: 6 miles run, 2 hours kayaking in Boothbay Harbor
Total Mileage: 43 miles + cross training

Week 30 Running Stats
Monday, August 25, 2008: Nada, rest and relaxation
Tuesday, August 26, 2008: Biked 30+ miles and hiked/walked 7-10ish
Wednesday, August 27, 2008: Hiked/walked 7-10ish
Thursday, August 28, 2008: 8.5 miles
Friday, August 29, 2008: 7 miles
Saturday, August 30, 2008: 8.5 miles
Sunday, August 31, 2008: 8.5 miles
Total Mileage: 32.5 miles + cross training

We did some awesome hikes in Acadia while we were in Maine. My favorite was South Bubble overlooking the Jordan Pond...where we of course refreshed with popovers and lemonaide after we finished! There was a bit of a scramble to the top.....but it was worth the view!

VACATION!!!

So, I leave for my annual vacation in Maine TOMORROW. I love it there. I treasure my mornings runs in the mist along the coast and the quiet, rhythmic bleat of the fog horn in the distance. My family rents a house right on the water in Boothbay Harbor. We spend our days sailing, hiking, reading books, and shopping. Our evenings are marathon sessions of games and wine with fresh lobster, corn on the cob, and icecream with real chocolate jimmies.

This time last year on vacation in Maine my hubby and I were in the exuberant throes of the first three months of really "trying" to get pregnant. On the drive up to Boothbay from Portland, I started to feel really really sick to my stomach....I was secretly hoping that it was morning sickness (I was on CD 33 with no period in sight) and that I was pregnant. 24 hours later after staying up all night with massive stomach pains and diarrhea I knew that I was NOT pregnant. I ended up being sick the ENTIRE vacation. I couldn't eat lobster, drink wine, eat the best ice cream EVER, and--even worse--I had to face yet another failed attempt to get pregnant. I was sick for an entire month...going to several doctors and specialists to figure out what was wrong with me and ending up with a diagnosis of "fatty liver" and symptoms that slowly dissipated over time. I personally think that I had some sort of stomach ulcer, but no tests ever confirmed that. Anyway, back when we first started trying, I had hoped that by this time (August 2008) I would have a little 3-6 month old and that I could spend 3 weeks with my family in Maine right before going back to work from maternity leave. One year later and what a different perspective. I thankfully have a little bun in the oven and a much different appreciation for where I am in my life.

A couple of bloggers that I have been reading have been talking about their concern about being a mom and that they were/are concerned that they would/will lose some of their identify or their drive to exercise or their figures after they had a baby. I can definitely identify with this. From age 27-28.5, I spent a lot of time thinking about whether I really wanted to be a mother and lamenting how unfair it was that women have to bear the entire burden of hosting a child for 9+ months, nursing that child, suffering irreparable consequences to their body from both, taking time out from work, and--on top of all that--typically carrying the majority of the child-rearing responsibilities. I wasn't sure that I was ready to give up my freedom or my "figure" or my running or make sacrifices in my career. I decided to take the plunge regardless only to find out that it actually was not a given that my husband and I could have children. And, my world shifted.

After dealing with infertility, I better appreciate the gift of having children and being a parent to any child, especially one who shares genes in common with me and my partner. By having to make sacrifices to have the possibility of children...having to gain weight, restricting the activities that I loved (running and training), taking hormones, having to undergo painful surgeries, learning to give myself (dreaded) shots, and doing all of this alone (in the sense that no one but me could go through this for my husband and I to have children), I came to realize how much I wanted to be a mother. And, that life isn't fair. And, that sacrifices don't make you less of who you are, but a better and more textured person. Three and a half years after I really started to think about having children, I think that I am in a much better place to have them. I know that it will be difficult and that the baby's priorities will sometimes trump my own. All I have to do is think about the months that I spent mourning the loss of my biological child who had my eyes and his nose to remember how much I value this amazing baby in my belly...making me sick all day and poking my bladder:>

Juggling

So...in addition to my full time job...I am the president a small non-profit association, which takes anywhere from 5-30 hours a week. In general, I love it. It is a great creative outlet outside of work and I am really dedicated to the mission. I also think it will be a great thing to have on my resume and hope that it will open up opportunities for me down the road. I signed up to be the president for another year because (a) there really wasn't anyone to take my place; (b) I wanted to reassure our sponsors that we would have continuity in leadership, and (c) I wanted to set a 2 year precident for presidents. Lately, though, I have been regretting the decision and feeling completely inadequate in completing the work needed for my job, fulfilling my position as president, getting prepared for the life growing in my belly, and keeping up my exercise regimen. In the past two months, I've had to lower my standards for the non-profit, drop my exercise regimen, and pretty much done nothing to get ready for the baby in order to meet minimum requirements at work. The job that pays does play the trump card!

I hate feeling like I am not doing my best on all fronts. I was talking to a girlfriend at work about it today (who is a mom) and she said that's what it feels like to be a working mom and that you just learn to lower your standards. For all you ladies that are going to be working moms, do you think this is true? Do you think that while working and being a mom we will constantly feel like we are falling down on the job somewhere? Oi. What an adjustment.

In the meantime, I'm still awake at 11:30 at night....trying to get it all done...and still failing:<

Week 28 Running Stats

Monday, August 11, 2008: 6.5 mile run
Tuesday, August 12, 2008: 75 min elliptical, 1 hour Body Pump class in evening
Wednesday, August 13, 2008: 7 mile run
Thursday, August 14, 2008: 7 mile run, 2 mile walk with dogs in evening
Friday, August 15, 2008: 8.5 mile run, 1 hour Body Pump class in evening
Saturday, August 16, 2008: 4 mile run 3 mile walk (very upset tummy!), spent most of day laying down because of upset tummy :<
Sunday, August 17, 2008: 3 mile run 4 mile walk (still very upset tummy!), 45 min elliptical
Total Mileage: 35 miles + crosstraining

So, since Saturday morning I have had pretty severe stomach cramping and both of my runs have sucked! At the start of my runs, I would feel fine and then things would get worse and worse and I would have to walk. Today I even got to the point that I actually considered getting my husband to come pick me up because I felt so awful. I don't know if I was just having round ligament pain or gas or braxton hicks contractions or what. I thought maybe I had some mild form of food poisoning because I had a bit of diarrhea yesterday (and also after I got back from my run today). Or maybe I just can't eat much before I go running? Yesterday I had 2 kashi waffles with syrup and a little peanut butter and jelly before my run. Today I had 2 pieces of orange/cranberry/walnut bread with cream cheese and 1 kashi waffle with syrup and butter. If I run tomorrow, I will just have a banana and see if that helps. This is very frustrating because my legs feel like they have plenty of energy, but my tummy is just too upset.

Who wears short shorts?

Not me! My running friends (and friends in general) tease me about the length of my shorts. I typically run in either large women's running shorts or medium men's running shorts. I like them to be about one inch above my knee. I think it's because I am self conscious about the size of my quads/thighs in comparison to my stick skinny calves. Funny that the picture on the blog is my shortest pair of shorts...I guess I didn't have anything else to wear that day! Anyway, at the suggestion of a running friend, I bought a support belt from Fit Maternity (the Gabriella that is mentioned in the Running for Two blog) and, while I was there, I figured that I would buy the running shorts. I love them...and they are NOT long. I actually even ordered them in a SMALL?! My burgeoning belly must be making me want to emphasize the parts of me that are NOT large. I still haven't tried the support belt. I haven't had any more round ligament pain since last Friday, so I haven't felt the need.

Week 27 was NOT that impressive

So--between the doctor telling me not to run and a mini in-law vacation over the weekend, my running stats have officially dropped. I am also starting to feel more tired during my runs, so cutting back isn't a choice but a necessity.

Monday, August 4, 2008: 7 miles
Tuesday, August 5, 2008: 60 minutes elliptical and Body Pump class
Wednesday, August 6, 2008: 80 minutes elliptical and 2 mile walk with wonder dogs
Thursday, August 7, 2008: 7 miles and Body Pump class
Friday, August 8, 2008: 6 miles run and 2.5 miles walk...round ligament pain Yuck!
Saturday, August 9, 2008: 6 miles run
Sunday, August 10, 2008: 6.5 miles run
Total Mileage: 32.5 miles + cross training

Running Again

So....I went to the doctor/midwife practice on Wednesday (yesterday).

The doctor that I saw (first time that I met her; I'm going to call her Dr. Zen) said that my Braxton Hicks contractions were fine as long as I didn't have more than 6 in an hour...which is what I had read and why I was so confused about when they freaked out on me last week?! Dr. Zen said that effacement is a subjective assessment and, hence, why they decided to do the ultrasound to ensure that my cervix was still long and closed (it was). I asked Dr. Zen if the doctor I saw on Friday (Dr. Crusty Old Man) could have incorrectly assessed that I was slightly effaced and she hedged "that could be a possibility." I told her that Dr. Crusty Old Man and the MidWife had said that I had to stop running and asked her whether this was necessary. Dr. Zen didn't see any reason for me to stop running, but said that I should cut back. I have no problem cutting back...I just don't want to stop running unless absolutely, medically necessary.

I am running again! Woohoo!

While running today, I think I felt the illusive "round ligament pain" that I have been hearing about. My tummy has grown so much in the past two to three weeks--particularly in the past several days. I preemptively bought on-line today a support belt to wear when running. I also have started having trouble eating because I feel absolutely stuffed after eating a meal that would typically have left me a little hungry. I guess I need to start eating in smaller increments....although I typically eat at least 7 times in a day (pre-run; post-run; 11 am; lunch; late afternoon; dinner; late evening).

IVF "Active" Mama?

Maybe I should rename my blog?

I'm on day 4 of technically not being allowed to run. I ran 7 miles on Monday. I am a very bad girl. But, I decided to renew my dedication to making sure this is a healthy baby and won't be running tomorrow.

As any good analyst would, I have a list of 21 questions about effacing, braxton hicks contractions, etc. prepared for my doctor's appointment tomorrow. Ever since I have made a dedicated effort to drink more water and have cut back on the running the most Braxton Hicks I have had in an hour is two. I am still having them pretty regularly--about one an hour between 10 am and 7 pm. They haven't been as strong as they were last week, though.

I can't wait to better understand what is happening to my body.

Who to believe?

Well, we had a VERY stressful day last friday. My midwife got me an appointment at 9am to check out the BH contractions...barely enough time to get us to the airport by 10:30am for our 11:44 flight to MN for the wedding, but I figured that we would be fine because BH contractions were normal.

A different doctor that I hadn't met before had to see me because the midwife was busy. He asked me why I was in and I told him that I had been having a couple of contractions an hour a couple of times over the past week and just wanted to get it checked out. He immediately said that we needed to do an internal exam to see if I was in pre-term labor. He said that I was not dilated, but slightly effaced and said that he wanted to send me upstairs immediately to see a specialist to see if my cervix was opening. He also checked out the baby's heartbeat, which was fine. My husband...who was very worried at this point...sarcastically asked if running 50 miles a week could cause pre-term labor and the doctor said it "damn well could" and that I should "stop running if [I] wanted to keep this baby."

Then the doctor asked if I ate this laundry list of food...pizza, chips, canned soup, microwave meals, pretzels, french fries, etc. I was worried for a second when I realized that I didn't eat any of these foods--thinking that I should have been increasing my sodium intake--but he said that I should NOT be eating these foods (and didn't really believe me when I said that I didn't). I asked if other things could cause the BH contractions and he said dehydration and asked if I was drinking 10 8oz glasses of water a day. I told him that I didn't know if I drank that much. I have to be honest...I'm really not sure HOW much I drink. I try to drink 1 glass of water (probably about 6-12 oz) before I leave for my run and then 1 glass of water (probably about 12-18 oz) after I get back, but haven't been so good about this lately. Plus I have one huge 34 oz Sigg that I try to drink 1-2 of each day plus 1 glass (12-18 oz) in the evening.

At this point, the doctor is very testy with me and has already concluded that my running is cause for the contractions. I am confused. I thought that BH contractions were normal and that as long as you didn't have more than 6 in an hour and you didn't have back pain, bloody discharge, change in discharge, swelling, headaches, etc., that you were OK. My husband is also very upset with me at this point and won't talk to me. He said that he had trusted me to listen to my body and that I had been overdoing it and was too addicted to running and that I had dissappointed him. I felt that all this was very unfair given that I had done research on running and exercise and that the doctor was just old and crusty and averse to running during pregnancy.

At 9:50 we frantically ran upstairs to see the specialist (can't remember what type of specialist because it was such a blur). I'm crying at this point because (a) I am upset that maybe I HAVE done something to the baby that we worked so hard to get; (b) my husband is blaming me for doing something to the baby which I feel is unfair as I called the doctor to ask about the BH contractions in the first place and all the research I had done said that they were normal; (c) am worried that we are going to miss our flight to the wedding in MN for which we spent $900 and I am supposed to be in the wedding party; (d) am upset that I might have to give up running again. The specialist checked out my cervix and everything was fine and normal. They sent me back to my midwife to give me a plan of action. My midwife said that we should take this as a scare and that I should stop running. She asked me if I could stop running and...at 10:25...worried about my baby and the morning being a blur of emotions, I said yes.

We made our flight. I was in the wonderful wedding and got to see a bunch of friends from grad school.

But, the whole weekend I was thinking about whether my baby was OK and angry that I am being persecuted yet again for running (by doctors, my husband, my mother). I should add that I updated my mom and she started yelling at me for being a selfish mother and that she told me that I shouldn't be running during my pregnancy. She asked me if my doctor told me to stop running and I lied and told her that the doctor just said I had to cut back on my running (um, how adolescent is it to LIE to one's mother rather than deal with her?). To top off the persecution, on Sunday when I got up to go for a run/walk, CNN had a special on pregnant runners and that women should listen to their doctors about whether they should run. I decided to take that as a sign from God or whomever that I should not be running and did the elliptical on Sunday instead.

I am left with all these questions.

What causes Braxton Hicks contractions?
Can Braxton Hicks contractions cause effacement or was I having REAL contractions?
When do Braxton Hicks contractions become a problem?
When is it normal for Braxton Hicks contractions to start?
If my cervix was long and closed should I be concerned about my Braxton Hicks?
Can other things cause Braxton Hicks contractions--like caffeine, stress, dehydration (all things that I had been experiencing more of while working 13+ hour days to prepare a big project for work)?
Why do I have to completely stop running?
Why are other forms of exercise better than running? I almost feel like I exert myself MORE doing spinning or the elliptical.
Can I just cut back on the running and make sure I hydrate better?

I feel like I am in tune with my body and am not pushing it too hard. I run MUCH slower than I did before (probably 10-12 min miles to my previous 6-8 min miles)and walk several times up hills and whenever necessary during my runs.

I know that I can give up running. I have done it many many times over the past several years. But, I want to do it because I should do it...not because some doctor is scared/uneducated about running.

My Running Stats for Week 26:
Monday, July 28, 2008: 8.5 miles
Tuesday, July 29, 2008: 7 miles
Wednesday, July 30, 2008: 8.5 miles
Thursday, July 31, 2008: 10 miles
Friday, August 1, 2008: 8.5 miles
Saturday, August 2, 2008: Nada except minimal dancing at the wedding
Sunday, August 3, 2008: 60 minutes elliptical
Total Mileage: 42.5 miles