THAT Girl

You know THAT girl in your group aerobics/Body Pump/yoga class? The one that stands as close as possible to the mirror and spends the entire class checking herself out from different angles? The one in all spandex?

With the exception of the all spandex getup, I realized this week that I've become THAT girl. I know that we are all vain to a certain extent and that self-love in moderation is healthy. But, I've always silently snickered in my head at the girls in class so in love with their bodies, or so obsessed with their bodies that you can tell that physical appearance is a primary focus in their life. But, for the past two months, I can't seem to get enough of my reflection. I love staring at my belly, looking at it from different angles, watching how it changes when I contort my body in different yoga positions. This is not to say that I don't have some issues with the pregnant body. I wish that I had more muscle definition in my arms, back, and butt like I used to. I wish I didn't have stretch marks on my back (my BACK?! who gets stretch marks there when pregnant?). But, I am so enamored with my little belly. I love it when unsolicited people touch my belly. I love when people comment on how it has grown. I only hope that I can look back on this time and think that I enjoyed being pregnant as much as possible for I do not know what will happen tomorrow. I don't know if this baby will be born alive and healthy. I don't know if I will ever be pregnant again.

Running Stats Week 28

Thursday, October 20, 2011: 9 miles

Friday, October 21, 2011: 6 miles

Saturday, October 22, 2011: 11 miles

Sunday, October 23, 2011: 6 miles (on treadmill, yuck!)

Monday, October 24, 2011: 9 miles

Tuesday, October 25, 2011: 9 miles, Body Pump

Wednesday, October 26, 2011: 7 miles

Total Mileage: 57 miles

Comparison to Pregnancy #1: 35 miles + cross training

Pictures from 29 weeks, 1 day

IUGR Again?

The one or two readers that still read my blog from back in my first pregnancy might remember that they were worried that my son had Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR). You can read more about my experience here, here, and here.

Story Summary: My fundal height was only 30 at 34 weeks (if there is more than a 4cm lag this is an indication of IUGR). Nugget measured less than the 5th percentile in a week 35 ultrasound with a perinatalogist. I went in for twice weekly non-stress tests and bi-weekly ultrasounds until Nugget was born to monitor his progress. Nugget ended up being born full-term at 6 lbs 2oz, which is outside of the IUGR range, and was just a small baby. No need for the IUGR drama.

A little education on the issue.

IUGR also known as intrauterine growth restriction or small for gestational age (SGA) occurs when the fetus is less than 10 percent of predicted fetal weight for gestational age. There are two types of IUGR.

• Symmetric--head and stomach are both behind. Could be associated with a chromosomal problem, like Down's or Trisomy 21, or just a "constitutionally small" baby: i.e., just a small baby. Nugget had symmetric IUGR; his body and head were proportionally small.


• Asymmetric--head is larger than stomach. Indicates maternal causes such as chronic hypertension or placental problems.

Indications of IUGR:

• mother's fundal height lags by 4 cm


• baby's ultrasound measurements indicate that baby is less than 10th percentile in weight, height, etc.


• at full-term birth, baby weighs less that 5 lb 8 oz

If you have had IUGR during a previous pregnancy, you are more likely to have it in subsequent pregnancies. Therefore, my doctor has been having me come in for ultrasounds every 4 weeks to see how the baby is doing. IUGR typically doesn't present itself until after the 30th week in pregnancy.

Yesterday, I had our 28 week ultrasound. At first, I was reassured because Baby Girl was measuring in the 50th percentile overall, although I did notice that her head circumference was in the 3rd percentile. I assumed that since the rest of her measurements were in the 50th percentile that we wouldn't worry about the head circumference. Plus, my fundal height is 27, which is only 1 cm off and within the normal range (i.e., within 4 cm).

Wrong.

My doctor wants me to go the the fetal specialist in two weeks to get another look at the baby. At first, I wasn't worried. I've been through this before and spent weeks 35-39 of my last pregnancy (he was born at 39 weeks) worrying about whether there was something wrong with beautiful Nugget. I vowed not to make the same mistake again. But, then I realized that Baby Girl doesn't have the same potential type of IUGR. Nugget had symmetric. Baby Girl has asymmetric, which usually presents with a larger head as the blood flows to the most vital organ, the brain. However, Baby Girl's head is much smaller than the rest of her body. The only reason I could find for this is microcephaly, which I don't even want to entertain. I talked to my doctor about this and she said that the 20-week scan did not show any sort of abnormalities in brain development (or any other organs for that matter), so she was not concerned that this might be an issue for Baby Girl. She emphasized that just as there is variation in the human population in size of limbs, heads, etc., there is also variation in babies sizes in utero. And, as I've mentioned previously, my husband was told that his head was "out of regulation" when he was in the Air Force ROTC in college (i.e., SMALL!). So, Baby Girl could just have a small head like her daddy.

I'm trying to pack away any concerns I have about Baby Girl and buckle down to get my nesting projects complete. But, the OCD part of my brain wants to spend hours and hours on every so helpful internet research!

Week 27 Running Stats

Thursday, October 13, 2011: 70 minutes elliptical, Body Flow, 2 mile walk

Friday, October 14, 2011: 9 miles

Saturday, October 15, 2011: 11 miles

Sunday, October 16, 2011: 9 miles

Monday, October 17, 2011: 6 miles (running and lots of walking, Baby Girl was in awkward position that made running hard)

Tuesday, October 18, 2011: 10 miles

Wedensday, October 19, 2011: 60 minutes elliptical, Body Pump (the beauty of not "training" for anything is that I can skip running when it is raining! )

Total Mileage: 45 miles + cross training

Comparison to Pregnancy #1: 32.5 miles + cross training

Pictures from Week 28 and 1 day!

Third Trimester!!!!

Third Trimester!! WOOHOOO!!!!!

Week 26 Running Stats
Thursday, October 6, 2011: 60 minutes elliptical
Friday, October 7, 2011: 9 miles
Saturday, Oct 8: 11 miles
Sunday, Oct 9: 9 miles
Monday, Oct 10: 9 miles
Tuesday, Oct. 11: 9 miles, Body Pump
Wednesday, Oct. 12: 10 miles
Total Mileage: 57 miles + elliptical
Comparison to Pregnancy #1: 42.5 miles + elliptical

I thought my running would be slowing down given the round ligament pain last week...but I've felt AH-mazing this past week runningwise! I no longer have the intense calf pain that made the first 3-6 miles miserable. I have been having some BH contractions when I first get started, so I take it pretty easy with some long walk breaks until mile 4 or so.

I'm still dealing with all my anxiety about job stuff, getting the house ready for baby...but my latest melancholy has been about closing the baby chapter with Nugget. We looked through his baby book the other day. Those times seemed so long ago and were so fleeting. I want to wrap my baby boy in my arms and rock him forever. I want to remain the one person that can console him. I want him to believe that my kiss alone can heal him. I want to continue playing hide and seek and "Fe Fi Fo Fum." As children grow, each stage brings new challenges and surprises...and as much as think my head might explode when he sh*ts in his pants and laughs when I catch him...I will always want him to be my baby.

Some pictures from 27 weeks and 1 day.

The Luxury of My Concerns

I'm struck lately with how indulgent my concerns seem.

• I'm obsessing on the right fabric for Baby Girl's nursery.


• I'm anxious about how much money I'm spending on frivolous (but nice to have) home improvement projects like built-in closets by California Closets, curtains, new fixtures, and painting.


• I'm worried that my husband's company won't win this 5-year contract and he'll be out of a job in March. I'm worried that I'll be downsized next week.


• I'm scared that I've been diagnosed with Strep B virus (has now turned into a urinary tract infection) and the 1 in 200 chance that my child may be infected during a vaginal delivery. (Only crappy statistics available...nothing that states the risk of the baby if I receive antibiotics prior to delivery as does the baby post birth).


• I'm worried they put the wrong embryo in and that's why I'm measuring bigger this time.


• I'm worried that if I had such a terrible delivery with a 6 lb 4oz (or was it 2oz? can't remember) baby that I'll have a MUCH harder time with a bigger baby.


• I'm worried that the prenatal testing was wrong and there is indeed something wrong with Baby Girl and that I'll have to adjust to a life with a special needs child or worse a child not viable with life.


• I'm worried that I'm not enjoying my time with Nugget enough since I'm so preoccupied with said home renovations/baby preparations.


• I'm worried that something will happen to Baby Girl. That I will make a beautiful nursery for her and have to sit forlornly in her glider, looking at all the pictures I carefully framed, the curtains made from fabrics I selected after hours of Internet searching, the rug that I thought didn't quite work and realize: none of this matters.

These worries are luxuries.

I don't have to worry about how we will adjust to not being "normal" with children conceived through donor gametes or brought to us through adoption.

I don't have to worry about whether we can afford to do more cycles: emotionally, financially, physically (assuming this pregnancy works out).

I don't have to worry about how much longer our life will be on hold waiting for something that may never happen.

This is it.

We are here.

Baby Girl is alive and thriving in my belly.

Nothing else matters.

Yet, I cannot silence these anxieties in my head.

Shhhh.

Just concentrate and feel her move. The slow twisting of her little arms and legs. Our special time together.

T-1 Week to 3rd Trimester: 26 Weeks

I'm at the stage of pregnant running where you learn that willpower can only take you so far...and your body cannot be manipulated. I was a few weeks further along when I reached this point in my last pregnancy and, given that I am much bigger this pregnancy by comparison, it should come as no surprise. Part of me wants to hold on to my weekly goal of 50+ miles, but the rational side of me knows that I have to listen to my body.


Week 25 Running Stats:
Thursday, September 29, 2010: 9 miles
Friday, September 30, 2010: 6 miles
Saturday, October 1, 2010: 10 miles
Sunday, October 2, 2010: 8 miles
Monday, October 3, 2010: 9 miles
Tuesday, October 4, 2010: 6 miles
Wednesday, October 5, 2010: 8 miles run, 1 mile walk (round ligament pain...I really walked the last mile)
Total Mileage: 57 miles
Comparision to Pregnancy #1: 60 miles


The round ligament pain on Wednesday was so terrible...that I became concerned it was something more. Plus, I was having really strong (and long) Braxton Hicks....SO, I went in for monitoring on Wednesday...just to be sure. OB confirmed it was just round ligament pain (I thought it might be something terrible, like placenta abruption or the like) and that my BH contractions weren't serious. Ironically, my run on Wednesday was one of the best runs I've had in recent weeks. I'm wondering if maybe I pushed it too much and that's why it hurt.


My family has been commenting on how much bigger I am this pregnancy...and that I'm bigger than my sister-in-law (who is only due a few days after me)...which makes me paranoid that they put in the wrong embyro and that I'm carrying someone else's baby (Finder's Keepers! My baby now!). It also makes me concerned that I am gaining too much weight, but my midwife hasn't said anything...so I'll try not to worry about it. I have another ultrasound in 2 weeks so we'll make sure that everything is OK then.


Picture from 26 weeks 1 day:

Week 24 Running Stats and Week 25 1 Day Belly Shot

Week 24 Running Stats*
Thursday, September 21, 2011: 9 miles
Friday, September 22, 2011: 6 miles
Saturday, September 23, 2011: 9 miles
Sunday, September 24, 2011: 60 minutes elliptical
Monday, September 25, 2011: 9 miles
Tuesday, September 26, 2011: 9 miles
Wednesday, September 27, 2011: 10 miles
Total Mileage: 51 miles
Comparison to Pregnancy #1: 54 miles
*Let's just say that about 1/4 of these miles are spent walking...up hills, when I'm tired, etc. and they are VERY slow miles...10-12 minute/miles.


Running is definitely becoming a CHORE. My calves burn continually until about mile 6 and then things tend to loosen up, but not as much as they used to. I'm thinking it is time to reassess how much and whether I want to continue running. I went through a good 10 weeks of similar misery around this time (weeks 18-28) while running last pregnancy...but I'd rather been running slow @ss miles and walking up hills than doing the elliptical at the gym...so we'll see. Of course, I'd also really like to be doing a more balanced weekly workout with weights and yoga in addition to cardio...but right now it seems easier mentally to go for a run than to go to a class at the gym. I miss my arm muscles....maybe I should give up 1-3 runs a week and do weights/yoga instead?


Getting ready for baby: I haven't purchased anything for baby girl in the past two weeks. We are in the midst of a little remodel upstairs: tearing down the old closet in the-soon-to-be master bedroom and putting in pretty new wardrobe style (reach-in) closets by California Closets. After the remodel is finished, I'll get everything painted and THEN it will feel like time to REALLY get baby girl's room finished. I'm still waiting on a crib bumper from Etsy...but with all the news about crib bumpers...I'm wondering if I shouldn't have wasted my money on something purely decorative. My mother-in-law sent me two outfits for baby girl....let's just say that we have different aesthetic taste and I'm very scared about the trend that these two items may be setting for future purchases.....


And, now for the belly shot for 25 weeks, 1 day.