This post isn't going to be existential or anything....:>
While I was running the Fall Marathon, there was a sign around mile 23 that said "Remember all the reasons that brought you here today." And, for the life of me, I could not remember one d@mn reason to run 26.2 miles. Even though the marathon was three weeks ago, I keep thinking about that stupid little sign.
WHY do I run marathons? To push myself to my physical limits? So I can eat a TON of food after my long runs? Because I love the comradery that comes with training? To give myself a goal to strive towards? Because I'm a pretty good runner and winning is a source of self confidence? All the endorphins?
For many years, I didn't run marathons or races at all for that matter. I actually quite enjoyed sleeping in with my husband and fitting in my exercise whenever rather than fitting my life around my exercise. I liked doing the elliptical and reading books when I didn't feel like running. I liked that there was no pressure to perform.
Now that I've run my sub-3 hour marathon, I find myself at a cross roads. Had I done better in the race (a 2:55 or below), then I would have definitely wanted to try to qualify for the olympics. But, I didn't. And, I really don't think that I could have pushed myself any harder. I'm sure that I could have trained more. Most of my weekly mileage was in the 65-73 range. But, eh. Now, Nugget is starting to wean (wouldn't eat from my boob at all today) and he's not quite a little baby anymore and I have that craving again for a little baby. We always hoped to have our children close together. And, I've started to think, why not? Why not just start trying again and get it over with? I can concentrate on running some shorter races and a half-marathon in February or March and just plan on running another marathon post baby #2. Plus, I kind of like not having the pressing load of a training schedule and sleeping in and just fitting in exercise whenever. It's easier.
Who knows. Maybe once work eases up (I've been working full time for the past month and should be going back to part-time once we get out project done), I'll crave more challenge. I told myself that I would give myself one month off of training before I started thinking about it again.
Weekly Mileage:
Monday, November 23, 2009: 7 miles, Body Flow
Tuesday, November 24, 2009: 9 miles
Wednesday, November 25, 2009: 75 minutes elliptical
Thursday, November 26, 2009: 11 miles
Friday, November 27, 2009: 11 miles
Saturday, November 28, 2009: 85 minutes elliptical (too busy reading Eclipse of the Twilight series to get off)
Sunday, November 29, 2009: 12 miles
Total Mileage: 50 miles
Sunday, November 29, 2009
Thursday, November 26, 2009
What I'm Thankful For
Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!
When we went around the table to say what we were thankful for today...other than my healthy happy little man sleeping through the night (7/7:30 pm to 4/5am and then again until 7/8 am!)...
All I could think was:
I am thankful that my husband got good test results back this week! Probably not best to talk about the results of a sperm analysis at the dinner table, but still, I'm thankful. Everything's on the low end of normal, but we're in "normal land" now, which is more than we could say two years ago.
Now we just have two little issues to work out...
1. no period and other anatomical issues
2. what to do about our frosties
I'm going to my obgyn to discuss the first issue in two weeks.
The second issue is an ethical issue that my husband and I disagree about. I view my two frozen embryos as unborn babies. My husband views them as frozen cells. He'd like to try to have kids naturally. I don't want my babies to get tossed out in the trash. My husband tries to reduce it to a cost issue, but I feel that is taking the easier route.
When we went around the table to say what we were thankful for today...other than my healthy happy little man sleeping through the night (7/7:30 pm to 4/5am and then again until 7/8 am!)...
All I could think was:
I am thankful that my husband got good test results back this week! Probably not best to talk about the results of a sperm analysis at the dinner table, but still, I'm thankful. Everything's on the low end of normal, but we're in "normal land" now, which is more than we could say two years ago.
Now we just have two little issues to work out...
1. no period and other anatomical issues
2. what to do about our frosties
I'm going to my obgyn to discuss the first issue in two weeks.
The second issue is an ethical issue that my husband and I disagree about. I view my two frozen embryos as unborn babies. My husband views them as frozen cells. He'd like to try to have kids naturally. I don't want my babies to get tossed out in the trash. My husband tries to reduce it to a cost issue, but I feel that is taking the easier route.
Monday, November 23, 2009
Reading Twilight Vs. Running: A TOUGH Call!
Just wanted to do my weekly mileage before I forget....Um, is it bad that I'd rather read the Twilight series on the elliptical than run??? I finished the first book in 3 reads on the elliptical...and I'm so conflicted! My sister has the 2nd book in the series, but I don't know if I can wait until Christmas to get it!! I am totally tempted to buy it!
MARATHON WEEK! Mileage:
Monday, November 9, 2009: 6.5 miles
Tuesday, November 10, 2009: 4.5 miles? 1 mile WU, 1x1600 (5:40), 800 jog, 4 x 400 (can't remember pace), 200 jogs, 1 mile CD
Wednesday, November 11, 2009: 3 miles
Thursday, November 12, 2009: NADA
Friday, November 13, 2009: 3 miles
Saturday, November 14, 2009: A WHOLE FREAKING MARATHON!!
Sunday, November 15, 2009: Massive number of "arm crunches," i.e. lifting food to mouth
Total Mileage: 39.2 miles
Post-Marathon Weekly Mileage:
Monday, November 16, 2009: Body Flow
Tuesday, November 17, 2009: 60 minutes elliptical
Wednesday, November 18, 2009: 60 minutes elliptical
Thursday, November 19, 2009: 60 minutes elliptical and Body Pump
Friday, November 20, 2009: 60 minutes elliptical
Saturday, November 21, 2009: 75 minutes elliptical (got too involved in Twilight!)
Sunday, November 22, 2009: 11 slow @ss miles
I was so excited to go to BodyPump for the first time in about SIX MONTHS! While I was taking the class, I didn't know whether to be excited or depressed that I could still lift the same amount of weight that I did before 6-month hiatus. Um, yeah, I'm totally sore four days later and had a hard time running yesterday and today because my hamstrings hurt so much!
ALSO! Guess what! I BOUGHT A TREADMILL THIS WEEKEND! Can I tell you how excited I am??? I got: http://www.treadmilldoctor.com/Pacemaster-Gold-Elite-VR-Treadmill-Review-09
WOOHOO! Now my wimpy little butt doesn't have to go out when it is cold and icy any more!
MARATHON WEEK! Mileage:
Monday, November 9, 2009: 6.5 miles
Tuesday, November 10, 2009: 4.5 miles? 1 mile WU, 1x1600 (5:40), 800 jog, 4 x 400 (can't remember pace), 200 jogs, 1 mile CD
Wednesday, November 11, 2009: 3 miles
Thursday, November 12, 2009: NADA
Friday, November 13, 2009: 3 miles
Saturday, November 14, 2009: A WHOLE FREAKING MARATHON!!
Sunday, November 15, 2009: Massive number of "arm crunches," i.e. lifting food to mouth
Total Mileage: 39.2 miles
Post-Marathon Weekly Mileage:
Monday, November 16, 2009: Body Flow
Tuesday, November 17, 2009: 60 minutes elliptical
Wednesday, November 18, 2009: 60 minutes elliptical
Thursday, November 19, 2009: 60 minutes elliptical and Body Pump
Friday, November 20, 2009: 60 minutes elliptical
Saturday, November 21, 2009: 75 minutes elliptical (got too involved in Twilight!)
Sunday, November 22, 2009: 11 slow @ss miles
I was so excited to go to BodyPump for the first time in about SIX MONTHS! While I was taking the class, I didn't know whether to be excited or depressed that I could still lift the same amount of weight that I did before 6-month hiatus. Um, yeah, I'm totally sore four days later and had a hard time running yesterday and today because my hamstrings hurt so much!
ALSO! Guess what! I BOUGHT A TREADMILL THIS WEEKEND! Can I tell you how excited I am??? I got: http://www.treadmilldoctor.com/Pacemaster-Gold-Elite-VR-Treadmill-Review-09
WOOHOO! Now my wimpy little butt doesn't have to go out when it is cold and icy any more!
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Post Race Ennui
Don't get me wrong. I'm totally elated to have gotten in under 3 hours and placed in Richmond, but...
Now what?
I wish I could decide.
Do I train for another marathon? Do I try to have another kid?
This decision is complicated by our fertility issues. Hubby is supposed to be getting back his test results "any day now" so we will know whether we have to do IVF again or whether we *might* be able to conceive naturally. I guess my post-race depression is more about starting fertility treatments again. It was manageable. I can do it.
But, I am dreading it. The bloated ovaries and daily hormone shots. Having someone other than my husband shoving things up my uterus. Another clinical conception. The two week wait for the results. The fear of a negative result and thinking about having to go through all of it again. The money. The insurance fights. The feeling that my body has failed me. The jealousy of people that conceived naturally. The desire to be "normal" and "natural." The inevitable fights with my husband because I (irrationally) get angry that I am the one having to carry the burden of this.
Of course, we do have two frozen embryos, so for my first round I wouldn't have egg retrieval, which is an uncomfortable surgery.
And then there is the worry that we will get twins if we do fertility treatments again. The costs both physically and financially of doing so. Frozen embryos have a greater success rate and higher probability of twins.
I hate this waiting. I like decisions and life to be in neat little boxes with bows. Not nebulous and unanswered.
Now what?
I wish I could decide.
Do I train for another marathon? Do I try to have another kid?
This decision is complicated by our fertility issues. Hubby is supposed to be getting back his test results "any day now" so we will know whether we have to do IVF again or whether we *might* be able to conceive naturally. I guess my post-race depression is more about starting fertility treatments again. It was manageable. I can do it.
But, I am dreading it. The bloated ovaries and daily hormone shots. Having someone other than my husband shoving things up my uterus. Another clinical conception. The two week wait for the results. The fear of a negative result and thinking about having to go through all of it again. The money. The insurance fights. The feeling that my body has failed me. The jealousy of people that conceived naturally. The desire to be "normal" and "natural." The inevitable fights with my husband because I (irrationally) get angry that I am the one having to carry the burden of this.
Of course, we do have two frozen embryos, so for my first round I wouldn't have egg retrieval, which is an uncomfortable surgery.
And then there is the worry that we will get twins if we do fertility treatments again. The costs both physically and financially of doing so. Frozen embryos have a greater success rate and higher probability of twins.
I hate this waiting. I like decisions and life to be in neat little boxes with bows. Not nebulous and unanswered.
Sunday, November 15, 2009
Marathon Race Report: Sub 3 hours!
So, as Coach directed, I started out slow, doing my first 10K at 7min-6:50 pace. I felt great. The crowds were great. The rain was slowing down. Life was GOOD! I LOVE MARATHONS!
A couple miles later...around the 12 mile mark...I'm realizing that my legs ain't feeling so great and my hamstrings are hurting and I haven't picked up the pace quite enough. At the 1/2 marathon mark, I hit 1:29, which is 2 minutes slower than I wanted to be. I saw Coach around then and he said that I looked strong and that I was the 12th woman. I didn't feel strong. In fact, I felt pretty crappy and was reminiscing about my 21+ long runs where I felt awesome the entire time. I was kind of bumming out, thinking that I wasn't going to even hit the 3 hour mark which was my bare minimum goal. And, then...one of the women in front of me ran off to take a potty break...and I thought, well, maybe I can get in the top ten women. I shortly thereafter passed woman number 11 around mile 14.
From 14 to 20 I struggled and the next woman in sight was way ahead of me. I hit 20 miles at 2:15 and thought if I can just keep a 7:30 pace I can at least hit the 3 hour mark. But, my legs were dying. I had totally hit the wall around mile 16 and felt like the earth's gravitational pull had grown infinitely stronger. But, I didn't want to get home and think that I'd given up on this "one chance." So, I decided to focus on beating the next woman. In quick succession, I passed Ms. 10 and Ms. 9 at mile 21! I passed Ms. 8 somewhere in between 21 and 22. And, Ms. 7 and Ms. 6 died at the mile 23 aid station. I just had to beat Ms. 5....the woman in turquiose ahead of me. I'm not sure what I looked like, but I certainly felt like hell...until one woman screamed: "Number XXX, You are my hero!!" Heart leaping, I picked up the pace and passed Ms. 5 at mile 23.5 and was running scared until the end! For every person that passed me, I'd say a little prayer: please be a man, please be a man!
At mile 26, I was dying...the clock was ticking...and my heart was sinking. While I was at least in the top 5 women, I didn't think I'd make it under the 3-hour mark. As I made the final descent down to the finish at mile 26, I saw my coach and he screamed "you're at 2:58! If you book it down this hill you can make it under three hours!!" AND I RAN MY FREAKING HEART OUT!
I made it with 20 seconds to spare. It was pretty cool getting to stand up on the podium with the winners...
The rest of the day I was unabashedly telling anyone and everyone that I got 5th place. I'm sure that there are some "real" runners that would have been embarrassed to go touting their sub gold finish, but heck! I was just happy to make it to the top five!
I felt so lucky to have awesome support druing the race. I saw my husband, son, father, and mother four times around the course and my coach three times! In my own internal "acceptance" speech for my 5th place and sub-3 hour finish, I can't thank my husband enough for all of his support and altered work schedules and my coach and new running friends for the awesome company and advice!
A couple miles later...around the 12 mile mark...I'm realizing that my legs ain't feeling so great and my hamstrings are hurting and I haven't picked up the pace quite enough. At the 1/2 marathon mark, I hit 1:29, which is 2 minutes slower than I wanted to be. I saw Coach around then and he said that I looked strong and that I was the 12th woman. I didn't feel strong. In fact, I felt pretty crappy and was reminiscing about my 21+ long runs where I felt awesome the entire time. I was kind of bumming out, thinking that I wasn't going to even hit the 3 hour mark which was my bare minimum goal. And, then...one of the women in front of me ran off to take a potty break...and I thought, well, maybe I can get in the top ten women. I shortly thereafter passed woman number 11 around mile 14.
From 14 to 20 I struggled and the next woman in sight was way ahead of me. I hit 20 miles at 2:15 and thought if I can just keep a 7:30 pace I can at least hit the 3 hour mark. But, my legs were dying. I had totally hit the wall around mile 16 and felt like the earth's gravitational pull had grown infinitely stronger. But, I didn't want to get home and think that I'd given up on this "one chance." So, I decided to focus on beating the next woman. In quick succession, I passed Ms. 10 and Ms. 9 at mile 21! I passed Ms. 8 somewhere in between 21 and 22. And, Ms. 7 and Ms. 6 died at the mile 23 aid station. I just had to beat Ms. 5....the woman in turquiose ahead of me. I'm not sure what I looked like, but I certainly felt like hell...until one woman screamed: "Number XXX, You are my hero!!" Heart leaping, I picked up the pace and passed Ms. 5 at mile 23.5 and was running scared until the end! For every person that passed me, I'd say a little prayer: please be a man, please be a man!
At mile 26, I was dying...the clock was ticking...and my heart was sinking. While I was at least in the top 5 women, I didn't think I'd make it under the 3-hour mark. As I made the final descent down to the finish at mile 26, I saw my coach and he screamed "you're at 2:58! If you book it down this hill you can make it under three hours!!" AND I RAN MY FREAKING HEART OUT!
I made it with 20 seconds to spare. It was pretty cool getting to stand up on the podium with the winners...
The rest of the day I was unabashedly telling anyone and everyone that I got 5th place. I'm sure that there are some "real" runners that would have been embarrassed to go touting their sub gold finish, but heck! I was just happy to make it to the top five!
I felt so lucky to have awesome support druing the race. I saw my husband, son, father, and mother four times around the course and my coach three times! In my own internal "acceptance" speech for my 5th place and sub-3 hour finish, I can't thank my husband enough for all of his support and altered work schedules and my coach and new running friends for the awesome company and advice!
Saturday, November 14, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
High Anxiety
My legs felt DEAD this past weekend and it is scaring the crap out of me. I ran 12 miles on Saturday and couldn't seem to get my legs to go much faster than an 8:30-8:45 pace. WHAT is going on? I felt awesome last Tuesday? Do I need more iron? Protein? Lord knows I get enough carbs. Only five more days until the race! I can't be feeling like this!
In addition, work is on overload. I worked all day yesterday, YES SUNDAY, and am going to be working late again tonight. This is NOT cool. Plus, now I'm worried that I am going to be working Veteran's Day AND Friday. We were supposed to be leaving early so that we could get to Richmond by 1 or 2 on Friday to give us plenty of time beat traffic and to pick-up the packet and hang out. Arg.
Any suggestions on how to get the oomph back in my legs? I've just been running really easy mileage and have cut back.
Last Week's Mileage:
Monday, November 2, 2009: 6 miles
Tuesday, November 3, 2009: 8 miles total: 1 mile WU, 1 x 3200 (11:41), 1600 lap, 1 x 1600 (5:40), 800 lap, 800 (2:51), 2 miles CD
Wednesday, November 4, 2009: 8.5 miles
Thursday, November 5, 2009: 60 minutes elliptical
Friday, November 6, 2009: 6 miles: 0.5 mile WU, 5k @ 6:25 pace, 2.25 mile CD
Saturday, November 7, 2009: 12 miles @ 8:30-8:45 pace
Sunday, November 8, 2009: 8.5 miles
Total Mileage: 49 miles
In addition, work is on overload. I worked all day yesterday, YES SUNDAY, and am going to be working late again tonight. This is NOT cool. Plus, now I'm worried that I am going to be working Veteran's Day AND Friday. We were supposed to be leaving early so that we could get to Richmond by 1 or 2 on Friday to give us plenty of time beat traffic and to pick-up the packet and hang out. Arg.
Any suggestions on how to get the oomph back in my legs? I've just been running really easy mileage and have cut back.
Last Week's Mileage:
Monday, November 2, 2009: 6 miles
Tuesday, November 3, 2009: 8 miles total: 1 mile WU, 1 x 3200 (11:41), 1600 lap, 1 x 1600 (5:40), 800 lap, 800 (2:51), 2 miles CD
Wednesday, November 4, 2009: 8.5 miles
Thursday, November 5, 2009: 60 minutes elliptical
Friday, November 6, 2009: 6 miles: 0.5 mile WU, 5k @ 6:25 pace, 2.25 mile CD
Saturday, November 7, 2009: 12 miles @ 8:30-8:45 pace
Sunday, November 8, 2009: 8.5 miles
Total Mileage: 49 miles
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Tuesday, November 3, 2009
The mind is weak, but the body is strong.
Lately, I've just been feeling sick of running. I hate getting up in the morning because I am so tired because the little man hasn't been sleeping well. Plus, it's been raining a lot. I'm fine running in the rain when it's warm, but when it's cold....that's a whole different matter. So, I've been kind of a grumpy runner lately. While my mental state hasn't been the greatest in terms of running, my body is rocking it! I've been whipping out some good workouts. Today, I even ran a 5:40 mile without even really feeling like I was pushing it. Seems my legs really like the rest (and perhaps all the Halloween candy and pumpkin cookies) they've been getting. I'm really feeling good about the marathon and am looking forward to seeing how I do. I'm very hopeful that I can break the 3 hour mark!
Weekly Mileage
Monday, October 26, 2009: 8.5 miles
Tuesday, October 27, 2009: 8.5 miles: 1 mile WU, 4 x 1600 w/ 800 jogs (5:52, 5:52, 5:50, 5:53), 2 mile CD
Wednesday, October 28, 2009: 10.2 miles
Thursday, October 29, 2009: Body Flow (too tired to get up in AM & run)
Friday, October 30, 2009: 9 miles: 2.5 mile WU, 5 mile templo (6:22, 6:22, 6:20, 6:20, 6:18), 2.5 mile CD
Saturday, October 31, 2009: 16 miles @ 7:04 average
Sunday, November 1, 2009: 10.8 miles
Total Mileage: 63 miles
Weekly Mileage
Monday, October 26, 2009: 8.5 miles
Tuesday, October 27, 2009: 8.5 miles: 1 mile WU, 4 x 1600 w/ 800 jogs (5:52, 5:52, 5:50, 5:53), 2 mile CD
Wednesday, October 28, 2009: 10.2 miles
Thursday, October 29, 2009: Body Flow (too tired to get up in AM & run)
Friday, October 30, 2009: 9 miles: 2.5 mile WU, 5 mile templo (6:22, 6:22, 6:20, 6:20, 6:18), 2.5 mile CD
Saturday, October 31, 2009: 16 miles @ 7:04 average
Sunday, November 1, 2009: 10.8 miles
Total Mileage: 63 miles
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