Lately, I have been thinking a lot more about adoption. Part of me is tired of trying. Tired of the drugs. Tired of having our life on hold.
And, the other part of me just aches for a fuller house. Another child.
There are two families in my neighborhood that I know through our community babysitting co-op. At a BBQ last summer, one of the mothers mentioned that she was tired of the infertility roller coaster, so they decided to adopt. It's been nagging at the back of my mind ever since. So, two weeks ago, I emailed both moms and asked if we could get together for some wine and ... my ulterior motive of asking them about adoption. One pursued domestic, the other interational.
It was such a heartening conversation. Both women went through infertility and decided that they have had enough. It took a few years, but they said that now they feel whole. That these were the children that God meant for them to have.
In the evening before dinner, the one family's three little kids ride their scooters up and down my block. Three little orbs circling their mother. And, I think to myself, that could be me.
I realized the other day that I don't care if the baby is brown, or black, or white, or purple (well, maybe purple because that might indicate a breathing issue). I don't care if my baby isn't a baby.
I just want a family with multiple kids.
I know that adoption is a journey in and off itself. And, there are no guarantees that it will be a painfree process.
So, now what? My husband wants to at least do the two more cycles that we have 50% coverage for. I'd like us to reach a decision about whether we would do international or domestic, open or closed adoption, etc. I'd also like us to pick an agency. Get a homestudy. Move forward.
If anyone has websites they'd recommend or friends they'd like to refer me to, please let me know.
It sounds like a tough decision - but I'm so glad yu managed to meet mums in a similar position to you who chose adoption and are so very happy for heir choice. Sure it take patience and a lot of money but it seems like in some ways the end result is less stressful (?). Whatever your decision it sounds like it's coming from a really positive place, I'm wishing you every success in getting a larger family one way or another!!
ReplyDeleteIt's strange how the mind starts shifting, how options start looking different...all that running can help clear your head! Kudos to you for finding other adoptive parents to talk to! It's also good to be ticking some of those items off the list because the list of adoption stuff (for international anway) is at least one mile long :)
ReplyDeleteVisiting early from ICLW. I'm glad that you found some other supportive moms to talk to who have been through what you're going through! That can make all the difference ... and you'll need them if you decide to pursue the adoption route. Hang in there!
ReplyDeletei'm so glad you got to get together with the other moms. having that extra support is priceless. keep working on DH to get him to come around to a plan. even if you do succeed this next cycle, adoption may still be something you want to pursue. he should understand that (i hope!)!
ReplyDeleteI think Adoption is Wonderful if thats what the both of you want:)
ReplyDeleteMy advise is- to keep talking to your dh about this. Its always best if the the door of comunnacation is open. Maybe you could pursue Both?? Start the adoption process while you do 2 more cycles. (don't know if that would be an option or not)and 50% coverage is great! We have none, but our little miracle IVF/ICSI baby is worch every cent!
We also are ttc baby #2! So its great to see someone who is too, and wants a large family. I only hope it doesn't take too long:( I always wanted about 4 children myself.lol *still do*
I'm not against Adoption at all myself. We actually were started looking into adoption a good bit, right before we got preg. with our 1st:) In fact if after we go back, and do a FET or 2. (we have 3 snow babies and want to give them all a chance at life) And if we still are not pregnant, I think I would strongly consider adopting, but I think my dh would want to try a full IVF cycle 1 more time. We've talk about this.lol In the mean time I'm hoping and praying with all my heart that the little babies we already have make it and stick.
Sorry for the noval. I've been feeling chatty I guess.
*ICLW*
My Infertility Journey
I think it's great that you met with those other moms. I hope you have great success on your journey - whehter through ART or adoption.
ReplyDeleteICLW
http://daega99-arewethereyet.blogspot.com/
What a beautiful way to approach adoption. If this is the route you go, I hope you have a lot of support from your friends.
ReplyDeleteBest of luck with your cycles too
I found your blog again! And like others, I think it's great you met with the other mothers and are considering adoption. I'll send you a message but I'm starting the process here on my end so my own rollercoaster ride begins.
ReplyDeleteHere from ICLW....and hoping all the best for you with whatever form your journey to #2 takes. We're starting again soon, and I wonder where we'll end up.
ReplyDeleteIt's a tough decision but it is a positive thing that you can see other options.
ReplyDeleteI find it very positive too that you saw two moms to talk to about adoption and you took the opportunity to do it.
Happy ICLW
i'm JUST starting to feel the same way. i am in the 2ww of a brutal IVF #3 and i don't think i can do this again. i used to be a runner too, a triathlete actually, and i miss it and wine and pizza TONS. but i'm so torn between donor eggs and adoption. regardless, i wanted to know you are not alone and i wish you the best in your next steps. happy iclw #31
ReplyDeleteWow! I wish you all the luck with this next path...I hope it brings you your next child. Happy ICLW! (#72 & 106)
ReplyDeleteWe had a wonderful experience with domestic open adoption, which we pursued while still in the midst of fertility treatments. It was so nice to know we had two roads to parenthood open to us. Adoption worked out first--really fast, in fact, three months after we went active with our agency! And we couldn't be happier with our amazing baby boy. Good luck in whatever next steps you choose!
ReplyDeleteThose decisions are always so hard. We are trying some more cycles again before pursuing adoption.
ReplyDeleteHope your child comes to you soon!
We're trying to make a similiar decision. We are dipping our toes in the adoption waters after 10 years of treatment. Good Luck in whatever path you choose!
ReplyDeleteICLW
Stopping by from ICLW! My husband and I also started to pursue adoption after losing our daughter earlier this year following our first IVF cycle, we too were tired of all the ups and downs and ready to be parents whoever that occurred. We started the home study process and then kind of a long story ended up in the process of open embryo adoption. We just recently finished our home study since this is still needed for embryo donation and are planning our first FET with the donor embryos for December! Happy ICLW and hope you're able to find the road that is best for you and your family as you journey to expand your family.
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