I've been avoiding the blogosphere lately....because I am a bitter woman.
Nathan is still waking up every 2-3 hours at night and I am exhausted. I thought by 5 months he would have grown out of this and sleeping through the night. I find myself getting really frustrated reading other people's blogs...so I have stopped checking them so often...that and I have been working 2-4 hours a day while breastfeeding, during naps, etc. and it doesn't leave too much spare time on the internet.
I've also developed a complex about Nathan's weight. He's barely above the dr's required weight gain minimum of 3 oz a week. I took him in for his 5 month appointment today and he only weighs 13lb 12oz...only 14 oz up from 4 weeks ago. He continues to resist nursing more often and we still have to walk around on eggshells to keep everything quiet so that he eats. I see chubby little babies and wish I could make my little guy chubby and feel that I have failed him. Oh to have a 90th percentile baby instead of my 10th percentile runt (that I love).
I guess I'm just frustrated with everything and desperately tired. What would I do for the more than 2 hours of sleep in a row. I miss the days when he would at least sleep in 4 hour increments.
I keep thinking that maybe if I hit the end of my rope...things will change...but, they aren't...and the doctor doesn't want me to do sleep training because he is getting food several times in the middle of the night.
The doctor suggested that I take some herbal supplements to increase my supply. Part of me feels defeated by this and doesn't want to admit that I am not making enough, but clearly, I must not be.
At least I am not working right now...but I only have about 6 more weeks off and am starting to worry that he won't be sleeping when I do go back to work.
it's not the same, but i sometimes avoid all the blogs too because i'm not working out nearly enough and it makes me feel inadequate seeing how much everyone else manages to do. isn't being a mom great???
ReplyDeleteThat totally sucks. Are you supplementing or will he not take that either? I have no good advice and it sounds like you are doing everything the doctor says. I hope things get better. Sounds like Nathan is going to be a skinny little runner.
ReplyDeleteDon't feel bad about avoiding blogs. I sometimes feel the same way...especially when my daughter was SOOO fussy and didn't sleep. I'm still not able to run because of some complications from delivery so it's REALLY frustrating, and reading about others crazy training schedules doesn't help :-) As far as the weight gain goes. I'm actually a registered dietitian and therefore was VERY adament (sp?) in only feeding my daughter breastmilk (although I would never judge someone else if they didn't, for whatever reason). At about 4-5 months, Sara stopped gaining weight. She weighed the same exact amount for 6 WEEKS! The doctor said she was fine if she seemed satisfied but deep down I knew she wasn't getting enough. I started giving her some formula after a few feedings each day to top her off and low and behold, she started gaining weight. I've since had to stop completely because I developed postpartum thyroiditis and pre-diabetes (I know, it totally sucks!) and stopping has helped me tremendously but also Sara is gaining weight normally now. I'm finally starting to feel like myself again. In other words, a mother's instinct is almost always right. If you need to supplement, DON'T feel bad!! It will probably help him sleep more. It may be a coincidence but she started sleeping through the night when I started supplementing. Sorry for the long comment, hope it helps some :-) Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry things are so hard right now. I think as moms, we all feel inadequate in some area or another. Hell, if it makes you feel better, I am one of those with a huge baby and I saw a segment on the Today Show about how babies with quick weight gain have a high risk of being obese children. I started worrying that Baker will be chubby (like I was and made fun of for) as a kid.
ReplyDeletePoint being, no matter what side of the spectrum our kids fall on, for any issue, we're going to worry.
Also, formula is not the devil. Do what you need to do. You're not a failure if you can't exclusively breast feed.
And if it makes you feel better, I read your race reports and weekly running totals and am totally jealous.
Every baby and everybody is different--I've never understood this basic concept more than now that I'm a mother. Sometimes i get jealous too, that other people I know can go out for a date or this and that. I only get good sleep because I co-sleep. There are things about it that suck, but since I'm away from Nate all day it's really wonderful to snuggle all night and plus he pretty much eats at will so he keeps the supply up :) Co-sleeping might be a good option for you--you'd sleep better and he'd eat more. But, it would probably take a week for you to adjust to get those benefits. Also, there is the whole trying to get him in his own bed later, which I am NOT looking forward too! Hopefully when I quit my job (which will be Monday--hooray!) I'll be able to get peanut to be a little more independent.
ReplyDeleteBut, the sleeping through the night thing is not realistic for most people for the first year. Our culture has decided that this is an ideal. It's not normal for many babies, mine included! There's nothing wrong with our babies, but they just need more cuddling or more food at night or whatever. But it is a need when they cry. They are too young to manipulate you, so when they cry it is for something important. It is temporary. He will get better and you will get sleep eventually. It might help to accept the night wakings, because then you won't be as stressed about it--which can make it worse (from my own personal experience!!!)
Aw man. I feel for you!
I bet you are frustrated. I would be too! Hang in there. I don't know how babies work yet, I think they schedule everything on their own terms! Good luck and hang in there!
ReplyDeletesending you some good thoughts....no great advice for you except to say that everything with these little monkeys eventually passes.
ReplyDeletethe good, the bad...it all changes so fast. they don't sleep one day, sleep the next, you worry about them eating not enough one week, too much the next.
if it makes you feel any better, our 8.5 month old still gets up to eat during the night.
I echo what others said about supplementing. Claire usually gets a bottle of formula (sometimes two depending on my work schedule) a day. When she was about five months, we started with a little rice cereal and pureed fruit/veggies. Slow going, introducing new foods but she seemed hungry for more than my milk.
ReplyDeleteEvery baby is different. My niece is a tiny one and I know that sometimes bothers or frustrates my sister-in-law, wondering if her baby is getting enough to eat. But my niece is healthy and I'm guessing your little guy is too, just smaller.
I'm spared some of the percentile pressure I think I'd feel in the States because our pediatrician is more focused on "is she healthy" than weight/height measurements.
You're doing well to try the herbal supplements, see if your supply can increase. And supplementing can be good too. I felt bad about that at first but quickly realized I preferred that to pumping all the time when I went back to work.
And everyone needs a blog break once in awhile. : )
Take time as you need. Don't worry about it.
ReplyDeleteIf it makes you feel any better, Angeline is 8 months and she has never slept through the night-- we're just still cosleeping so it works out with less exhaustion for me.
Try not to feel inadequate or compare. Every baby is different, every family is different... if you let it, there's way too much people try to make moms feel inadequate about and it's ridiculous!