I got awful news today. Apparently, my body is not responding to the drugs (even though they doubled the drugs as compared to what was used in my Feb 2008 cycle) and there are only two follicles that look like they have eggs of sufficient size. The doctor thinks there may be two more eggs, but they appear to be too immature. They don't know why I'm not responding.
On my first day of monitoring, I felt so light and free. Anything was possible. As I walked out the front door of the clinic, a butterfly floated past my face and I thought it was a good omen. Perhaps I could decorate a little girl's room with butterflies in the future.
But, there are no good omens. Only in a world of magical thinking.
I can't believe I may have to do this again. I don't know if I have the strength of spirit. My husband says that we can afford one more cycle and the doctor said he might be able to get us some free medication, which would save about $4,000. Perhaps we are only meant to have one child. Adoption is out of the question for us at this point, given the costs, but perhaps in a couple of years we could pursue that.
I really thought this was going to be "it" and I would be done with this awful part of my life.
Aw crap. I don't know what to say...except that despite the expense giving it one last shot will at least give you the knowledge you tried EVERYTHING you could. It may help you to move forward in some sense too. To leave with a "what if"....? It's a tough one though.
ReplyDeleteI'm so sorry. I can't imagine how frustrated you are. These cycles you have to go through just seem brutal, both physically and mentally. It certainly makes me think just how lucky I am to have Zach and you must feel that way about Nathan.
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