Three Weeks Already?

I thought I would do weekly updates and then....my two week update kept getting later and later and whoops...now it has been three weeks since JuJu Bean was born. The first week seems to have been the halcyon days...with my productivity severely diminished since then. Last week I didn't even get through one day's list of 3 to do's. Sigh. I think my severe sleep deprivation basically sapped my will to multi-task...which was the only way I got anything done. And, I gave in. To the monotony of nursing. To the simpleness of this time. All I really have to do is feed my baby girl, eat, and sleep (and run, right???).

Nursing
Baby Girl is still an amazing eater. I rented a baby scale from our lactation consultant and seems she is getting 3-4 ounces per feeding. Plus, she is up to 8 lbs 1 oz (with clothing and diaper on). She's generally feeding every 3 hours during the day and every 3-4 hours during the night. My nipples KILLED the first week....there was toe-curling pain each time she latched on...but that has dissipated. I am pumping 3 times a day (typically around 2-3 am, 11 am, 6-8 pm) and am getting 4-5 ounces each time, for a total of 12-15 ounces extra. One whole drawer in my freezer is full of breast milk! I feel irrationally proud of myself whenever I pump a bunch of milk. Even though I could leave the storage of the milk for later, there is something reassuring about the measuring and labeling of the milk. My body is doing SOMETHING right...and maybe it would make me feel a little less guilty about stopping breastfeeding earlier to start the IVF process again if I knew that I have 1-2 months of breast milk stored. I have found that the amount of milk I store is in direct proportion to the amount of water I consume. If I drink a lot of water, than I make more milk. So, I'm trying to drink 1 16 ounce bottle of water every time I nurse.

Sleeping
I've finally transitioned from co-sleeping to putting Baby Girl in the bouncy chair and putting that in the bassinet right next to my bed. This was a HUGE step for me as I am totally paranoid about SIDS and am constantly checking her to make sure that she is breathing. I'm having a hard time falling back to sleep after her feedings, so I'm usually getting only 1.5-2.5 hours of sleep between feedings. I try to take a nap every day, but it really only happens once every two to three days in actuality. On days when I am REALLY sleep deprived, I end up being really mean to my husband because I am bitter that he's not getting up to help with the feedings (he can't though...we aren't introducing her to the bottle until she's 4 weeks old!) or because he hasn't taken ONE day off of work to help out (his excuse: I run my own company! If I take off work...I don't get paid.) I guess I could probably write a whole other post about the lack of equality in childcare...but meh. I'm too tired. (ha)


Sibling Love
Nugget is still AWESOME with Baby Girl. No proclamations of jealousy or dislike. I've enjoyed so much having more time to spend with him. He's just so funny right now. Earlier today he put on the radio to some station that was playing songs from the 1950's and he was jamming away. It was hysterical. There are times when I think I could really enjoy being a stay at home mom...and think that I might be more relaxed if I didn't have to juggle a career too. But, then I start thinking too much...about economic viability, the economy, values I want to impart on my children, my fears about something happening to my husband, etc.

My Post Partum Body

These pictures are 9, 16, and 22 days post partum. I still have the "mummy tummy" where your stomach goes out farther than your ribcage. I actually was really pleased with how I looked until I got on the scale last week and saw that I still have 3 pounds to lose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight and 7-9 pounds to lose to get to my pre-IVF weight. I also put on my "fat" jeans and they were TIGHT. My husband reminds me that at I only gave birth three weeks ago and that I might have somewhat unrealistic expectations. To be honest, this is EXACTLY where I was at this point after my son (2-3 lbs to pre-pregnancy, 7-9 lbs to pre-IVF). It actually took about 4 months to get to my pre-pregnancy weight and somewhere around 6-9 months to get to pre-IVF. But, I was running A LOT then. And, I cared. Now that I have renewed my commitment to not wear anything but sweatpants until March and not get on the scale until my fat jeans are loose....meh. What do I care? (Of course, this plan only works as long as I don't have any social engagements that require I wear something other than sweat pants.)

I went for my first run 10 days post-partum. It sucked. But, we knew that was going to happen. I ran 4 miles at a 13 minute pace. It didn't hurt in my lady parts (and I would have stopped if it did). Oddly, the only thing that REALLY hurt was my inner thigh muscles. I remember with Nugget that my ABS hurt, but I didn't have that this time. Since this first run, I estimate that I have run 7-8 more times and have been running 6 miles at about a 10 minute pace. I plan to keep running 6 miles until I can get down to an 8 minute pace and I no longer feel like the last mile is going to kill me. I've also done the elliptical for 60 minutes a couple of times and a 30-minute yoga video 5-6 times. Clearly, I haven't been keeping track of all this. I just fit it in when I can. I imagine that working out is going to get harder in the coming weeks as I don't have any family coming to town. I'm trying to find a daytime babysitter, but that's proving harder than expected!

My Mental State
I still have the "trying for a third" debate with myself about ten times a day. But, I'm too stupid tired to think about the bigger picture issues. My plan is just to make it through until Baby Girl starts sleeping more. Hopefully, that will be in another couple of months...rather than years...

I'm sorry I've been so terrible about commenting on other people's blogs. I've been too tired when nursing to multi-task and have taken my television viewing to new levels (have you seen Terms of Endearment--how did I make it through 30 years without seeing this???).

P.S. I thought I should add a caveat to this post letting you all know that I realize how petty and small some of these things are...and I totally appreciate being able to focus on such minor things. Don't think for a second that I take for granted that I have my beautiful, precious girl here. Even if I can't get ONE picture for the camera where she doesn't look like she is having a bowel movement.