Soooo, we have to figure out another way to bring on my period because my insurance (stupidly) requires that I have Day 3 bloodwork. Even though they KNOW that I'm going to end up doing IVF because of my husband's male factor and that my FSH levels were only 6.9 19 months ago...so likely haven't changed drastically. It's a stupid hoop to jump through when they know I'm going to be eligible in the long run. If on the long chance that they do let me proceed with IVF despite not having Day 3 bloodwork, my RE has agreed to let me try a protocol that will start stimming me after completing 2 weeks of BCPs. I did estrogen priming on Ju Ju Bean's cycle with an estrogen patch, so it makes me a little anxious to think about doing a cycle differently than what was previously successful.....BUT see prior statement about how the body reacts differently every time.
My mentality going into IVF this time is that it's just going to take a bunch of cycles if it even works at all. I need to get started as soon as possible, though, to maximize my insurance coverage. I have THREE cycles covered 50% under my current insurance plan and I would like to use at least TWO of them before the end of the year. Then I can switch insurance plan to another plan that will also allow me THREE cycles covered 50%. I'm not thrilled about having to switch to this new plan because I'd have to change all my doctors (except my RE, thankfully), but...I am grateful that I have the option of having 5-6 cycles covered at 50%. This is huge and we are lucky.
Stepping back from going through the motions of IVF treatment...it is all too familiar to me...the planing, the dealing with insurance companies, the talking to nurses, the appointments. It's almost as if I don't know how to live my life else wise. As if I just compulsively need to get going again. It's more comfortable to be doing this than it is to just accept that we are not going to try any more. I'm too afraid of regrets...which is probably something that I should look into a little more than just gloss over it and move forward.
******************
I've been going pretty consistently to the track. For a while, it has been a safe place where I don't have to talk to other mothers or hear people planning about having babies or even really talk about being a mom if I didn't want to. Apparently, there were a rash of fast female runners from my running group that got pregnant and recently had babies. I had Baby Girl about 6 months earlier than most of them. You would think that I would be excited to have so many comrades in the "tired eyes mommy phase" that "got" how hard it was to pull myself out of bed at 5:30 after getting up multiple times in the night...but I hate it. They are all complaining about how "out of shape" they are despite still being faster than me. I am *still* not running as fast as I was after having Nugget. Which doesn't bother me most of the time. I know that these women didn't have any problems getting pregnant. They didn't have to take 2 years (I know, a measly 2 years) off of training. They got knocked up accidentally or easily while having BMIs of 16 and running 90 miles a week. And, their life is just playing out exactly as they planned. I am so jealous it makes me want to throw up. I'm sure I will get over it. But, they just seem so proud and self-righteous about how awesome they are to be coming back to the track and still hitting such great times. In my head, I think...yeah...just see how you'd be doing if you had to take 2 years off. Jealousy is an evil little b*tch.
******************************
And, HSG on Friday. Funtimes.
I'll end this post on a positive note with Baby Girl's 6 month picture that I love (she's nearly 8 months, though!). It's worth it. It's worth it. It's worth it.
my friend who did 6 fresh cycles, i think, and 1 frozen (has 3 kids though...they worked at the end), called IVF a lifestyle. she didn't know what to do with herself when she wasn't cycling, it became such a part of her identity.
ReplyDeleteAhhh - she is precious! It's like, you look at that picture and think, "How could I not do this again??" ;)
ReplyDelete