They say that deja vu is just a misfiring of neurons, that synapses are connected in a way that makes us think that we have been to a place before, met someone before, etc. This space I am in, this waiting space, is a place that feels so familiar. Today I am organizing all my IVF files, again. Writing up my medical history, again. Hoping that some doctor will be my oracle, again.
We received some good financial news this week. My husband has won some work that will provide us with a steady stream of work for 5 years and will be in addition to his full time salary. Of course, the first place that my mind wanders about hearing of this boon is to think that maybe we should scrap our local clinics and head up to Mecca at Weiss Cornell Center for Reproduce Medicine and try out their co-culture. Without insurance coverage, this would cost us $18-19,000. The figure just makes me gasp. Can we do this again? We've already spent $70,000 on the two children we already have. This cycle was $8,000 down the drain (I know, I've already given up hope). How far do we want to fall down this rabbit hole?
I've developed a plan: I am going to take a HPT on Sunday and when I get the negative (most likely), I am going to go for a 10 mile run and then I am going to go to Crossfit for three days in a row and beat my poor little body to a pulp. Then, I will put on my big girl panties and gear up for IVF #7 using the estrogen priming protocol, hoping for a cycle in November. In the interim, I am trying to get everything set up for a cycle in December/January at Cornell. This is freaking madness, people.
cornell is awesome. i hope you don't need it, but i think you should go if you do.
ReplyDeleteGood for you for going after what you want! I know how you're feeling...we're trying for #3 as well and while we've not invested the money that you have, there's still a sense of not knowing how much we'll do, and how far we'll go to get this baby.
ReplyDeleteWishing you the best.
Whilst I still hope you get a surprise BFP, i like your backup plan to burn off steam and make you feel good in other ways.... :) Best wishes for the next few weeks.
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