2 Months!

Two months, people. And, she's smiling (in response to social cues rather than gas!).

It's not all rainbows and unicorns...

A funny little vignette from approximately 3 AM yesterday morning.... (to be read in jest)
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Mommy wakes up daddy because she's been with baby for over two hours trying to get her to sleep. Mommy shoves, err, places baby in daddy's hands and says that she is going to sleep train baby the next day because she can't take ONE MORE NIGHT of this. Daddy moves baby's hands and pretends to be baby, saying "Don't put me in a box, Mommy. I defy rules and order." Mommy responds..."I'll put you in a box and tape it up if you don't go to sleep." Daddy turns and stage whispers to baby "Mommy's in a dark place."
****

Generally, Baby Girl has been a great sleeper with 5-7 hour chunks of sleep. About every fourth night, though, she will wake up at 1-2 am. Usually, I am able to rock her back to sleep without feeding her. Last night was an exception. But, the collective sleep deprivation of the past few months wears on me. Of course, this is definitely easier than dealing with failed IVF cycles and the unknown...as I know it can't last forever. But, it is irritating and some days I feel like I am just a terrible wife and mother because I am so freaking tired.







Baby Girl and her premie/newborn clothes
Baby Girl has grown a fair amount, weighing 10 lbs 11 oz at her two month appointment. She stayed on the 50th percentile growth curve for weight from her one month to two month appointment, which is reassuring. She has these delicious little rolls of fat on her chubby little thighs. Nugget's legs were skinny little rails, so it is so funny to have all these fat rolls and chunks to clean under. She's grown out of all of her newborn and premie clothes. I took pictures of all her outfits and cried a little as I packed them away. I don't know that any baby of mine will ever wear them again. As much as I long for her to be older and sleep more, I know how fleeting this time is and try to spend time every day just basking in her infant stage...sitting with her curled on my chest and clutching my hand.

Nugget has been quite trying this past month. He's been throwing more tantrums at night and doesn't want to leave day care. I know there are worse things than having a child that enjoys day care so much he doesn't want to leave. But, to be honest, I miss the little boy that would come running with joy whenever his mommy picked him up. Now, I pretty much have to drag him out every day.

In post partum recovery news, I have been at my pre-pregnancy weight for probably 2-3 weeks. I can fit easily into my "fat" pants. Now, I just have to lose the 4-6 lbs I gained while doing IVF. I'm running almost every day and believe that I have hit between 60-70 miles the past few weeks. My plan is to keep running about this mileage until I lose 4 more lbs and then I can cut back on the cardio. I'm eating a TON of food, though, in order to not wake up STARVING at night. Probably 2,800 to 3,200 calories? I was trying to count my calories to help with the weight loss...but somewhere around 2,4oo-2,600 calories I just figured WHATEVER. I'll eat what I want and hopefully the weight will come off. I've been trying to focus on eating REAL food and not sugar. I think I have a tendency to increase my sugar/sweet intake when I am hungry because I feel like I've already eaten my dinner and any other foods should be dessert ('cause dessert follows dinner). So, I've been addicted to eating apples dipped in large amounts of peanut butter as my post dinner snack. I don't think I've gone more than one day without this snack. I've also been doing Crossfit 2x a week. I'm still not convinced that it is a viable alternative to running as I am a bit of a running fiend, but I have been actually WANTING to go to Crossfit and craving the muscle pain that comes a day or so after class. I also made it to the track once and fingers crossed will be going to do a second long run with the running group.

So, that's the update!

I'm not sure what to do with this blog. Should I stop? Should I keep blogging until we decide whether we are going to pursue fertility treatments to try for a third child? Should I continue to blog as my personal diary to share with the few that are interested? Should I start a new blog and try to devote more creativity to it?

SIGH. I'll end with a fun smile shot of JuJuBean:

Still Here

I'm still freaking amazed EVERY day that we are here.

This is NOT to say that I do not have meltdowns at least three times a week where I am exhausted and don't think I can handle the lack of sleep any more. Being tired makes me cranky (er...b*tchy is a better word). Being tired makes me a bad momma to Nugget. But, I keep telling myself this will last a year to a year and a half tops. Less time than it took us to get pregnant with JuJuBean.

She's growing like a champ. Nearly 11 pounds at 8 weeks! And, occassionally giving us 5 hour stretches of sleep (knock on wood). Nugget is a rock star big brother and excellent listener (some days). I ventured out with the two of them to the Natural History Museum to see some dinosaur bones on Monday. The last time we went to that museum was right after the failed FET in Summer 2010. It was amazing to contrast my life now to then...and how much Nugget has grown and developed.

I've completed my Crossfit Foundations training. Not sure if I love it as much as running. It's hard for me to love anything as much as running. But, I am hoping it will help me whip my mushy body back into shape. Now if only I could stop gorging on chocolate and peanut butter (d@mn that stuff is good).

This Time Last Year

I am updating our photo album for the first time in nearly 8 months. In looking through the album, I am struck by how few pictures there are from Fall 2009 through Spring 2011. I sometimes look at pictures and can't place when they happened. Was that from 2010 or 2011? I remember events from Nugget's first year very clearly...but the years subsequent have been more difficult to place. It is almost as if I have some sort of amnesia for the 16 months we spent going through fertility treatments...as if I wasn't fully present in my body.

Last week, I went back and read the posts that I had written this time last year when I was in New Jersey for our fourth IVF cycle (third fresh cycle). I spent that week silent in a hotel that catered to business men in the middle of a winter snow storm leaving only for doctor's appointments and ravenous trips to Whole Foods. The cycle sucked as my cycles tend to do: only six follicles that resulted in two good looking embryos. Sitting alone in my hotel room, I had nothing to do but obsess about the cycle, our situation in life, and the hopelessness of it all.

I wrote some good sh*t. I guess I need a little melancholy to get in touch with my inner poet.

One of my favorite pieces from that period:

I feel so OUT OF PLACE. I have no friends, no colleagues, no business, no family in the region and feel as if I am conducting some sort of anthropological study of the humans here. Trying to figure out how to blend in despite feeling sorely misplaced. Which is really a larger parallel to finding my place in this fecund world where procreation is a choice not always a blessing. I miss my husband and, more than anything, I miss my little Nugget and his marker smudged palms.

While I feel less misplaced from the "fecund world," there are still moments when I feel ungrounded and realize how separate my perspective is from the majority of my peers. At the hospital with Baby Girl, the nurses kept making off-hand comments about "we'll see you next time" or "aren't you ready for a third?" Sometimes, I just smiled and nodded. Other times, I said that we had to work really hard to have our two children and the likelihood that we would be able to have a third was really slim.

With two children, I feel that my masquerade is complete; our infertility is sufficiently hidden. We have two children. Why should anyone guess that we had fertility issues? I find that I have become very private about our infertility. I don't want to offer the information. I know I shouldn't be embarrassed by it...but I am. To be honest, I've actually been avoiding returning to my running club because I'm pretty sure everyone knows why I haven't been training with them for the past two years. I just don't want to be the subject of whispers: "you know WHY she didn't run for us the past two years: she had to do IVF." As much as the judgement of others shouldn't matter and ultimately DOES NOT matter...for some reason I have become extremely paranoid about it. I know this falls into the category of "sh*t you are just going to have to SUCK UP and GET OVER." And, I know that will happen with time. I hope that will have to happen with time.

On February 2nd, 2011, while waiting for our embryologist report following retrieval, I wrote:
Dear Mr. Groundhog,
Will I get the news today that my winter is going to carry on forever? That I will never see spring. That our ability to have biological children is nill? Or, will I wake up tomorrow renewed, with hope for the future, and a chance for a child?
Please tell me, Mr. Groundhog. I can't stand the suspense. My heart is rapidly beating, I can't take a deep breath for the fear that is constricting my lungs.
********************************************************************

We were so hopeful for that cycle. After it failed, I spent the next two months on the sofa, barely breathing, never sleeping, defeated. If only I could go back in time and tell myself that I would be holding a precious Baby Girl in a year...but, had I not been through that dark period...I would not be the person I am today.

One Month!

Baby Girl turned one month old on Thursday! I wish I could say that I can't believe it has been a month...but I can....the weeks run into each other because every day is so similar. I've finally figured out a sleep situation that allows me to function as a half-intelligent human.

Nursing

Baby Girl is a CHOW HOUND! She went from 5 lbs 15 oz at birth (the 3rd percentile) to 8 lbs 10 oz at one month (the 50th percentile). Mama's milk is doing its job!! She cluster-feeds every 1-2 hours from 7:30 to 9:00 am, then eats about every 3 hours until 6 pm, and then cluster-feeds every 1-2 hours in the evening (6pm to 9 pm) and then will occasionally go 4-6 hour stretches during the night. I've been waking up with sore breasts before she wakes up during the night. I'm hopeful that the 2 6-hour stretches without feeding that we've had so far are a sign of things to come. We just started to try and introduce Baby Girl to the bottle this week. It is amazing to me that she hasn't even had ONE bottle yet. Nugget was drinking from a bottle and receiving supplements from the beginning, so I feel really lucky that breastfeeding has gone so well. Also, I have a MASSIVE breast milk collection in the freezer: 55 bags with 5-6 oz in them! I am pumping 10-15 oz of additional breast milk to store every day!

Sleeping

Generally, I've been going to bed around 10 when Baby Girl finally stops cluster feeding and/or falls asleep. Some nights are great and she'll sleep until 3:30. Other nights, she's up at 12:30, 3:30, and 7:30. We generally stay in bed until 9/10 am so that I can catch up on my ZZZZZZZZZZs. My husband has been taking Nugget to preschool, which has helped. I've been reading "12 Hours' Sleep by 12 Weeks" in hopes that I can successfully sleep train Baby Girl. I didn't have any luck with Nugget...but since everything has been different with Baby Girl, I am optimistic that this will be different as well. The only issue is that it seems like you have to pump instead of nurse to really implement sleep training. I'm ambivalent about stopping nursing. I want to sleep, but at the same time...I love the sweetness of nursing and don't want to do anything that might jeopardize this special time with my Baby Girl. I'm hoping that she'll just magically start sleeping through the night by 6 weeks and I won't have to sleep train...but I know the likelihood of that happening is near nil.

My Post Partum Body

In my last post, I mentioned that I had been lacking in motivation to exercise. Well, I've found it. Once over the amazement of going from a round tummy to a relatively flat tummy, I realized I have a LONG way to go in terms of regaining my pre-pregnancy AND pre-IVF body. I haven't seen as much progress in my ability to fit in any clothes in the past few weeks and I've decided that I'm probably going to have to exercise and be much better about my eating habits if I want to lose any weight and/or fit into my clothes anytime this year. So, I've been running consistently since 10 days post partum. My ability to run longer distances has improved...I treated myself to a 10.5 mile run yesterday...albeit at a 9 minute pace. If everything goes as planned this week, I might get in my first 50 mile week. I have a babysitter that comes 3 times during the work week so I can run outside and I have been running on the treadmill the other two days during the work week. I also signed up for Crossfit Foundations class so that I can start attending Crossfit Workouts 1-2 times a week. My plan for the next two months is to run 5-6 days a week, go to Crossfit 2 days a week, and fit in a little yoga at home. I'm hoping that is all I will need to do to lose the rest of the baby weight. I have to admit that I find my post-partum body a little depressing and am discouraged that I'm not magically thin, even though I know this is an unrealistic expectation. I guess I feel a lot of pressure to lose all the weight quickly so that if we decide to do IVF again I can start at a weight similar to my pre-pregnancy/pre-IVF weight.

Three Weeks Already?

I thought I would do weekly updates and then....my two week update kept getting later and later and whoops...now it has been three weeks since JuJu Bean was born. The first week seems to have been the halcyon days...with my productivity severely diminished since then. Last week I didn't even get through one day's list of 3 to do's. Sigh. I think my severe sleep deprivation basically sapped my will to multi-task...which was the only way I got anything done. And, I gave in. To the monotony of nursing. To the simpleness of this time. All I really have to do is feed my baby girl, eat, and sleep (and run, right???).

Nursing
Baby Girl is still an amazing eater. I rented a baby scale from our lactation consultant and seems she is getting 3-4 ounces per feeding. Plus, she is up to 8 lbs 1 oz (with clothing and diaper on). She's generally feeding every 3 hours during the day and every 3-4 hours during the night. My nipples KILLED the first week....there was toe-curling pain each time she latched on...but that has dissipated. I am pumping 3 times a day (typically around 2-3 am, 11 am, 6-8 pm) and am getting 4-5 ounces each time, for a total of 12-15 ounces extra. One whole drawer in my freezer is full of breast milk! I feel irrationally proud of myself whenever I pump a bunch of milk. Even though I could leave the storage of the milk for later, there is something reassuring about the measuring and labeling of the milk. My body is doing SOMETHING right...and maybe it would make me feel a little less guilty about stopping breastfeeding earlier to start the IVF process again if I knew that I have 1-2 months of breast milk stored. I have found that the amount of milk I store is in direct proportion to the amount of water I consume. If I drink a lot of water, than I make more milk. So, I'm trying to drink 1 16 ounce bottle of water every time I nurse.

Sleeping
I've finally transitioned from co-sleeping to putting Baby Girl in the bouncy chair and putting that in the bassinet right next to my bed. This was a HUGE step for me as I am totally paranoid about SIDS and am constantly checking her to make sure that she is breathing. I'm having a hard time falling back to sleep after her feedings, so I'm usually getting only 1.5-2.5 hours of sleep between feedings. I try to take a nap every day, but it really only happens once every two to three days in actuality. On days when I am REALLY sleep deprived, I end up being really mean to my husband because I am bitter that he's not getting up to help with the feedings (he can't though...we aren't introducing her to the bottle until she's 4 weeks old!) or because he hasn't taken ONE day off of work to help out (his excuse: I run my own company! If I take off work...I don't get paid.) I guess I could probably write a whole other post about the lack of equality in childcare...but meh. I'm too tired. (ha)


Sibling Love
Nugget is still AWESOME with Baby Girl. No proclamations of jealousy or dislike. I've enjoyed so much having more time to spend with him. He's just so funny right now. Earlier today he put on the radio to some station that was playing songs from the 1950's and he was jamming away. It was hysterical. There are times when I think I could really enjoy being a stay at home mom...and think that I might be more relaxed if I didn't have to juggle a career too. But, then I start thinking too much...about economic viability, the economy, values I want to impart on my children, my fears about something happening to my husband, etc.

My Post Partum Body

These pictures are 9, 16, and 22 days post partum. I still have the "mummy tummy" where your stomach goes out farther than your ribcage. I actually was really pleased with how I looked until I got on the scale last week and saw that I still have 3 pounds to lose to get to my pre-pregnancy weight and 7-9 pounds to lose to get to my pre-IVF weight. I also put on my "fat" jeans and they were TIGHT. My husband reminds me that at I only gave birth three weeks ago and that I might have somewhat unrealistic expectations. To be honest, this is EXACTLY where I was at this point after my son (2-3 lbs to pre-pregnancy, 7-9 lbs to pre-IVF). It actually took about 4 months to get to my pre-pregnancy weight and somewhere around 6-9 months to get to pre-IVF. But, I was running A LOT then. And, I cared. Now that I have renewed my commitment to not wear anything but sweatpants until March and not get on the scale until my fat jeans are loose....meh. What do I care? (Of course, this plan only works as long as I don't have any social engagements that require I wear something other than sweat pants.)

I went for my first run 10 days post-partum. It sucked. But, we knew that was going to happen. I ran 4 miles at a 13 minute pace. It didn't hurt in my lady parts (and I would have stopped if it did). Oddly, the only thing that REALLY hurt was my inner thigh muscles. I remember with Nugget that my ABS hurt, but I didn't have that this time. Since this first run, I estimate that I have run 7-8 more times and have been running 6 miles at about a 10 minute pace. I plan to keep running 6 miles until I can get down to an 8 minute pace and I no longer feel like the last mile is going to kill me. I've also done the elliptical for 60 minutes a couple of times and a 30-minute yoga video 5-6 times. Clearly, I haven't been keeping track of all this. I just fit it in when I can. I imagine that working out is going to get harder in the coming weeks as I don't have any family coming to town. I'm trying to find a daytime babysitter, but that's proving harder than expected!

My Mental State
I still have the "trying for a third" debate with myself about ten times a day. But, I'm too stupid tired to think about the bigger picture issues. My plan is just to make it through until Baby Girl starts sleeping more. Hopefully, that will be in another couple of months...rather than years...

I'm sorry I've been so terrible about commenting on other people's blogs. I've been too tired when nursing to multi-task and have taken my television viewing to new levels (have you seen Terms of Endearment--how did I make it through 30 years without seeing this???).

P.S. I thought I should add a caveat to this post letting you all know that I realize how petty and small some of these things are...and I totally appreciate being able to focus on such minor things. Don't think for a second that I take for granted that I have my beautiful, precious girl here. Even if I can't get ONE picture for the camera where she doesn't look like she is having a bowel movement.

Too Do

I'm a goal-oriented person. And, perhaps a little bit of a perfectionist, type-A personality type. If you've been reading this blog for a while, that's pretty clear.

I was a maniac before Baby Girl was born, running around trying to accomplish everything on my two page to-do list that magically kept expanding every time I crossed something off. I would get one thing done (buy new curtains) and suddenly two more activities appeared on the list (take down old blinds and install new curtains). Trying to complete my to-do list feels like a Sisyphean task never to be completed.

I had hoped that once Baby Girl came that the insanity would stop, but it appears to be something that I am going to have to consciously stop my brain from doing. Because I feel myself wasting this precious time being preoccupied with my to-do's. I thought I had been managing my to-do's well, only allowing myself to focus on 3 tasks each day (today for example: have coffee with a girlfriend, wrap and mail package to friend's twins for their first birthday, and order birth announcements), but that's not even half of what I tried to accomplish today. I also: got Nugget ready for school and dropped him off, went on a walk to mail said package and deposit a check to the bank, buy a new sports bra for my ever growing boobs (C-cup people! these are porn star boobs for me!), nurse every 2-3 hours, respond to blogs, clean up the house, do a load of laundry, get in my 2nd post-partum run, take a shower, do a sitz bath, eat dinner, call 2 friends that I haven't talked to since prior to Baby Girl's birth....etc., etc. I feel a lot of mom guilt because I didn't take ONE picture of Baby Girl in the past 3 days. THREE DAYS people. That's over one-third of her life. I didn't sit on the couch and just stare at her. In fact, I didn't have ONE nursing session where I wasn't doing something else.

I'm using my to do list to hide. If I am re-organizing our medicine closet or updating our photo albums for the first time in 5 months, I am not figuring out the difficult questions:

• Do we want to try for a third child? I have two more cycles of IVF covered and think that I have the emotional and physical capacity to handle the cycles given that I already have my two beautiful lovelies. This decision entails SO MUCH. WHEN do we try for a third child? Do I stop breast-feeding Baby Girl at three months to try and get my period so that I can do a cycle? Do I want to have a third child just to PROVE something? To PROVE that we conquered infertility? Could I have a career if we have three kids? Could I emotionally handle the chaos that comes with three kids? Could I give up trying for a third kid if the two cycles that we have 50% coverage with don't work? Are we getting too old (not necessarily ME, but my husband just turned 38) to have more children? Can we afford three children? Will having three children put me over the edge? Will I not be able to do the things I love if we have three children? If we don't at least TRY for three children, will I regret it? If we have to start trying immediately after Baby Girl is born, will I miss out on the joy of her early life? If I am lucky enough to get pregnant, will she not get the attention and stimulation that she needs? Will I be able to manage three children? Would I be a happier person and better mother to only two children?
• What do I want to DO with my life? Sometimes I just want to give up my career and focus on my two little lovelies and bask myself in full-time motherhood. Other times, I think I would be a better mother if I had a career that I loved or at least some intellectual outlet outside of being a mother. If my current job doesn't provide me with the fulfillment that I desire, what career would? What career or job is important enough to keep me away from my lovelies? But, then again, isn't the sheer importance of HAVING a job and bringing in an income important? Isn't it important to show my children that Mommy has a job and economic viability, too? Can I handle being a full-time mom to two children? Am I crazy to think about leaving my awesome work-life friendly job to pursue some pipe dream of what a career should provide me?
• This is it. This is my life. My one life. Possibly my last time of having a beautiful baby.I may never again get to fall asleep with a little baby nestled in my arms.

My to-do's allow me respite from these thoughts and questions for which I have no answers. I'm not even really sure how to go about figuring out the answers. I wonder: do I need to work with a counselor to talk through these issues or are they questions that I may never determine the answer to and just end up answering by default.

Sigh.

Ju Ju Bean's First Week

Baby Girl is nearly 1 week and 3 days now and I figure that I should write down some of my memories of the first week before the weeks start running into each other. I know the first week is the "honeymoon" period with the baby where they sleep all the time. Crankiness and sleeping issues will rear their heads later on...but for now, JuJuBean is an ANGEL.

Nursing

She is a wonderful nurser...I just can't get over the difference between her and my little Nugget. With Nugget, I felt like such a FAILURE at nursing. I couldn't get him to latch on. I was prepared for a similar experience with JuJuBean. I stockpiled nipple covers to help with the latch because I thought my "flat nipples" were the reason I couldn't get Nugget to latch. Turns out, Nugget just was a lazy latcher and didn't suck hard enough. I think JuJuBean could get milk out of my elbow if she wanted! This being said, my nipples hurt A LOT and lanolin and lansinoh soothie gel pads have been my best friends. I am making enough milk for her to gain 2 ounces every day AND put 5 ounces in the freezer, which is also amazing because Nugget had problems gaining weight and didn't reach his birth weight until nearly two weeks post partum. JuJuBean was at her birth weight by 6 days post partum! It's wonderful to feel like "a natural" at something after years of feeling like such a failure as a woman because I couldn't conceive the old-fashioned way (or heck, even the "high technology" way).

Sleeping

JuJuBean is sleeping in 3-4 hour stretches. I've been getting in the habit of going to bed around 8 or 8:30 after we put Nugget down and then getting up to feed her around 12 am, 3 am, and 7 am. I've been having problems falling back asleep, though, due to my overactive mind or hunger or my aching hamstrings (I need to stretch more!). But, generally, I think I eek out 4-6 hours of sleep and that appears to be enough to get by. Baby Girl is co-sleeping with us for now. Once she starts sleeping for longer increments, I'll move her over to her bassinet. There is nothing better than waking up with her snuggled in my arm.

Sibling Love

I wasn't sure what to expect from Nugget. I'd heard that there would be some behavioral issues and possibly some regression in speech and potty training. Nugget has been so wonderfully sweet with Baby Girl. He will bring her toys and binkies when she cries and seems to be so proud of her. At the park on Sunday, he took the hand of one of his playmates and dragged her over to the stroller, saying "come see my baby sister." And, he's actually had a bit of a break-through with the potty training: he's VOLUNTARILY been indicating that he needs to go "poo-poo" and been going in the toilet!

My Post Partum Body

Recovery has been much better this time, too. I had problems sitting on any surface other than one of those sexy hemorrhoid pillows the first few weeks with Nugget, but that hasn't been an issue this time. I stopped pain meds when I left the hospital and haven't needed them since. I don't go back to the OB until 6 weeks, so I guess we'll see how my level two tear is recovering (only one long running stitch). My belly is still pretty mushy, but I'm surprised how much my uterus has shrunk already. I'll have to take a picture tomorrow and post it. I haven't attempted exercise of any sort, but my muscles feel pretty tight and I'm craving some yoga and easy walking. I was chomping at the bit with Nugget to get out there and get active and lose the pregnancy weight, but I just don't have that drive this time. It's a little concerning to me that I just don't care about getting back in training shape or really any shape. Maybe this will change as I become less sleep deprived, but it just seems like it would be a huge EFFORT to get out there and I'd rather just take it easy. Plus, standing for extended periods of time isn't exactly comfortable. Every day, I vow: I will walk today or I will do a yoga video today and it hasn't happened yet. Maybe by 2 weeks post partum I will have to force myself out there. Plus, I miss my pregnant belly. I miss feeling Baby Girl move around in me...sometimes I will lay her on my belly just to feel her jerky little movements again.

My belly four days post partum:

My Mental State

In reading the literature that they gave me from the hospital, I noticed a section on post partum depression listing "crying jags for extended periods of time" as a symptom. I definitely had that with Nugget. I would lie in my bed and cry for an hour to two hours and not know why. I don't have that this time. I'm just so stinking happy. I can't count the number of times each day where I just want to BURST I am so happy. Looking at my two little people, I feel so blessed that they are here and we were able to have them. I wonder if part of my post partum depression last time was just the huge adjustment to having REAL responsibility and the burden of breastfeeding was just WAY more than I thought it would be. Since I've already made the adjustment to total lack of control of my schedule, maybe the transition wasn't as difficult this time? I was also very sleep deprived with Nugget as I would feed him every 2-3 hours and the pumping/nursing/feeding process would take 1.5 hours, so at most I would have an hour or less between feedings.

I hope I'm not painting an overly rosy picture, but everything has been so much easier than I thought it would. I love my little angel.