Frustrated

I am trying not to get frustrated by the breastfeeding process and my own healing...but I am. I really thought that I would be able to go on walks by now, but the netherlands still hurt when standing more than 30 minutes. I am wondering if things are not healing correctly and the only "official" guidance my doctor will give me is that they do not recommend exercising for 4-6 weeks after delivery. This is an interminably long time and I am going stir crazy. My breast-feeding/pumping schedule further compounds my frustration.

Because Nathan is so small and I have flat nipples, we have not been able to get him to latch on. I have been working with a lactation consultant dubbed the "Breast Whisperer" for her success in getting babies to breastfeed. Her Rx has been for me to feed Nathan with a syringe through a nipple shield. This takes about 40 minutes. Then, I pump for 20 minutes and, in an hour, I pump again for 15-20 minutes to build my milk supply. My milk came in on Sunday. I can now produce up to 3 oz of milk total when I have at least 3 hours between pumping, but I typically produce between 1.5 and 2 oz. Nathan is being fed breast milk only. In addition, I try to have skin to skin contact with him as much as possible. This has increased my supply tremendously, but leaves me limited in what I can do and where I can go. The Milk Whisperer said that this week is critical for building up my milk supply so I am trying to put forth my best effort.

My mom has been staying with me as my husband went back to work on Monday. I don't know how I could make it through this week without her. She is a cleaning, cooking dirvish. I have been eating so well since she was here. She's made all of her staples...split pea soup, vegetable soup, chicken noodle soup, banana bread, beef stroganoff, chicken marsala, etc. I dread the lack of variety my diet will have once she leaves.

Other than that, I have been trying to enjoy Nathan and establish some sort of routine. I feel myself becoming depressed and grouchy, though. Exercise has always been a mood regulator for me and the only way I made it through the last four weeks of my pregnancy and not running was the knowledge that as soon as I had him, I could start exercising and running again. To not be able to do so is extremely upsetting. I am trying not to get into the "woe is me" mode...but it does seem like this whole pregnancy process has been difficult. Difficulty getting pregnant, growing a healthy size baby, having the baby, breastfeed, etc. I am tired of the struggle. I try to remind myself that these struggles are minor issues...there could have been something really wrong with Nathan, but a cloud of negativity seems to hover over me.

P.S. The only thing going well...I got on the scale and I am back to my pre-pregnancy weight give or take a pound.