Now I've gone and changed my mind! We've already started down the conception path. I'm half-way into my dosage of provera to bring on my period...and I'm having cold feet.
Exhibit A: One of my friends at the track the other day asked what races I'm going to be doing "because [you're] in awesome shape." And, I shrugged my shoulders. This is ANTITHETICAL to my being. I'm a PLANNER. I like to have goals on the horizon. And, I see nothing. A big empty bunch of months waiting to get pregnant. I'd like to try my hand at some races with this *fitness* but, I also feel like part of me is hesitant. What if I run a race and I don't do as well as I think I could? So what? Getting pregnant or trying to get pregnant is a good excuse not to race...or fail for that matter.
Exhibit B: I've been going to physical therapy to deal with some issues that my difficult labor caused. I'd like to say that it's really embarrassing, but after laying legs splayed open in front of total strangers during my labor my threshold for flushed cheeks has been pretty much been obliterated. This can lead to awkward conversations in which I am blunty honest and watch my co-conversant recoil slighty at the too-much-detail information provided. For those that might have similar issues, this involves stretching the vaginal muscles, massaging the episiotomy scar tissue, and training my pelvic floor muscles to strengthen and relax. I'm also working on strengthening my lower ab muscles, which are apparently still separated (which explains the lower ab pooch that ails me). I thought that I could continue this therapy when I got pregnant, but my PT said that she would have to stop. She's really concerned about my ability to have another vaginal delivery...and so am I for that matter. I'd hate to stop getting PT before these issues are resolved.
Ahhh!
My husband who had been strongly on the side of LETS START ASAP is now waffling and even suggested I see if I can get into Big Spring Marathon and then start trying. What? I had closed myself off to this possibility.
Help!
oh boy. you know, i'd consider giving myself one more season of racing, if i'd worked that hard and had the results you did. unless your fertility issues will get worse with age...but even so, 6 months doesn't seem like long to wait. but only you guys can decide.
ReplyDeleteI'm on the side of patience. Seize the opportunity you have and go for it. Start trying in the summer. I think you'll be happier to take the pressure off a bit. This is just my completely objective only semi-informed opinion, so take it for what it's worth :) GOOD LUCK!
ReplyDeleteWow honey, you sound so stressed about it. And with good reason... but the whole time I was reading I thought to myself, why not wait until the majority of your doubts and uncertainty subside, unless, like Clare said, your issues worsen with age. But again, it is up to you guys to decide. I know for me (still so wishy washy about having #2) that I want to feel excited and ready to give everything I have into it. Maybe unrealistic to some but I think it will come.
ReplyDeleteYou know I've been there so I have no great advice but we've decided to wait and I am completely comfortable with that decision. I say go with your husband's advice and see if you can get into Boston. Boston is in April, that's only 4 months! Start trying after you have a great Boston and get some of the "wanting to race" jitters out of your system.
ReplyDeleteI think going for Boston is good advice, if you want to see what you're able to do now. Also, your husband is in on that goal now, so you wouldn't feel divided. I also understand worrying about "failing" if you race now and don't do as well as hoped. I still think a spring season would be worth it. Run hard, get through PT, and then make a baby. (That makes it sound entirely too easy, doesn't it?) I wish you well!
ReplyDeleteTough decisions, tough decisions!! I would say wait a few months to try. Especially now that hubby is on board and is supporting your decision to wait. You'll be happier to try. Just set this benchmark as a "no matter what we're trying after Boston (or whatever race you choose to run). Just be prepared to LIVE with that decision. :-) Like I've said before I thought I had the "perfect" plan down to get myself back into shape, get rid of the PSD pain and then try. Well, that plan backfired since hubby hasn't been around :-) Good luck making this VERY difficult decision!!!
ReplyDeleteWith your husband on the fence and your PT going well (and the PT does sound important, especially if you want to have another vaginal birth!), maybe it's a sign that you should try to run a spring marathon!
ReplyDeleteGood luck with your decision!
I think it is always such a hard decision to try or not and when, and you are feeling like you are in great shape (you are) and could rock some races. Will that leave you fulfilled - or are you already fulfilled with your awesome sub 3 marathon? If you start in April or May, how long might it take? Is that ok with you? Just some things I would probably think about. I'm glad I didn't have to think about when this time!
ReplyDeletewow everyone said go for Boston! The only other thing I was thinking is - you got back into this awesome shape post-Nathan, who is to say you won't be in this shape or BETTER post #2? I think I'm recruiting pregnant friends :)
ReplyDeleteDefinitely a really hard decision and I think it is cool that you are considering Boston.
ReplyDeleteI was concerned for a while that I might never be ready to go through pregnancy again, but for some reason I decided a couple weeks ago that I NEED another baby. It was like an over night decision, it was so strange. I think we might "not not try" starting in Feb.