A World Tour of Reproductive Endocrinologists

OK, maybe "world tour" is a little bit of an exaggeration. I did go to three different RE's this past week. After doing more research on the antagonist strategy (2 weeks birth control pills, ganirelix) suggested by the doctor I saw last week, I am not convinced of its success after doing ever-useful on-line research. I tend to cleave to routine and familiarity and sometimes have a hard time trying something new.

We had a WTF appointment on Wednesday at our clinic. Dr. A-hole was too busy to talk to us, so we met with the other doctor at the clinic. Arms crossed, I entered the meeting expecting not to get any answers and only given excuses for the repeated failures. But, Dr. B was actually very insightful. He walked us through his perception of our infertility history and compared our two IVF cycles so as to identify the factors he thought may have contributed to the success with our son's cycle and failure this most recent round. He identified slower growth of the follicles, which meant more drugs and longer stimming, possibly decreasing the quality of the eggs. He suggested that we complete additional diagnostic testing to determine whether there were any other factors impacting implantation. Additionally, he suggested a new drug protocol which has been found to be more successful with low responders (lupron flare). Of all the doctors I met with, I thought he was the most circumspect in terms of analyzing whether other factors may be impacting the lack of implantation and in the description of why this cycle may not have been successful. He didn't suggest donor eggs (which the dr last week has suggested). He said that the best predictor of IVF success is prior success and emphasized that I am young compared to most fertility patients. So, I decided that we will do one more cycle with this clinic. I started taking estrogen today and will take progesterone in two weeks to "fake" my body into thinking it has had a cycle. We didn't want to repeat the 60+ day cycle I had this summer after my failed FET. So, looks like I'll be doing another cycle in October.

I am trying to find Hope again. Most of the past week has been spent in tears. I'm so afraid that this won't work for us and that I will never get to experience the wonder of a baby moving in my belly or those first few sweet days with this small creature nuzzled against my neck. I've been pestering my husband about how many cycles we will do before we give up and he said that we will do it until we run out of money. My parents have offered to pay for a cycle, so we'll keep that in our back pocket for a later point. I have two more cycles that are covered 50% under my insurance company. I am also going to look into whether any other insurance companies my organization offers have infertility coverage (the last time I checked 3 years ago, my insurance company was the only one that offered minimal coverage).

Ironically, Nugget has found a new word: "happy." How do I define this word to him when I find it to be so elusive?