More Room in My Heart: Where Have I Been?

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Where Have I Been?

Avoiding the fact that we've spent a year doing fertility treatments with no positive results.
Avoiding pregnant people.
Avoiding people with small babies.
Avoiding the email in my in-box inviting me to participate in the elite field of racers for the DC Marathon (ha, double-ha...can I even run 1 mile at my old pace right now???)
Avoiding failed New Year's Resolutions.
Avoiding the fact that I have to return to work full-time to help pay for more fertility treatments or adoption.

But, I've also been trying to enjoy the two weeks off with Nugget. I feel so thankful to have him and have loved my time with him. If we ever do get to have another child, I hope that I can take a few years off of work and just enjoy the children.

Baking Christmas Cookies:

Practicing Taking Pictures with my Pretty New Lens:

Watching Nugget Enjoy Spen

ding Time with His Grandparents:

Watching Nugget Enjoy His Bounty of Christmas Presents:

I will write more later. There has been quite a lot of drama going on with our insurance company. One day we're covered for a cycle in NJ. The next day we're not. It's so draining. Oh, and we didn't strike gold with our natural cycle this past month. Sigh.

10 comments:

Infertile FarmerJanuary 5, 2011 at 6:53 AM
Ugh. I hear ya, girl. It is so frustrating having those milestones like Christmas and New Year's to just slam in your face that you are no further ahead than you were last year. Sigh. I am glad your little Nugget is able to bring you joy and sunshine that you so deserve. So sorry about the insurance struggles. That whole process is infuriating! Keep fighting!
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KathleenJanuary 5, 2011 at 7:54 AM
missed you! we didn't strike gold either. :-( so i'm on BCPs for IVF#4. yeah more cash going OUT the door. ugh. happy new year and i'm glad you have taken some time away from all of this madness. hug to you and kicks in the butt to those insurance companies.
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SerenityJanuary 5, 2011 at 9:14 AM
Hugs. I know the feeling.

You back running since you aren't doing treatments? I've found that as frustrating as it is I can't go as far or fast as I could even a couple of months ago, it's making my outlook at least a little better.

I love the second picture of Nugget - such a great shot.

Insurance companies suck. Here's hoping that you get things straightened out soon.

xoxo
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AnonymousJanuary 5, 2011 at 9:58 AM
I can definitely relate. I hope this year is much better for you!

Aww nuggett is super cute!!
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Justine LJanuary 5, 2011 at 10:43 AM
Love the pictures! Stupid insurance companies, and stupid holidays that make the milestones (or lack of milestones) weigh more heavily on your shoulders ... I hope that 2011 brings you better news!
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Glass Case of EmotionJanuary 5, 2011 at 12:15 PM
I hear you on the avoiding things and insurance woes. This whole process is made so much harder because of $!

Love the photos of nugget.
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KathleenJanuary 5, 2011 at 1:19 PM
The protocol that i'm doing is the antagonist w/ menopur & gonal-f... and starting w/ 2 weeks of BCPs. i love the idea of winning the lottery! my dh played as well... alas.. no win :-( i would have bought us all lifetime IVF cycles too. lol!... i need a lot of reassurance... alot... so you're in good company.
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lastchanceivfJanuary 6, 2011 at 8:19 PM
Nuggett is to super cute--I'm glad you are basking in his adorableness :)
I hope things start looking up for you!
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Angela and DavidJanuary 10, 2011 at 6:32 PM
Love the pictures.

I hope 2011 is your year (and my year as well)! I keep looking at races I'd love, love, love to be training for but I know it has to wait. But how long does it have to wait? It's so nerve racking.

I hope you figure out your insurance. At least with my insurance totally sucking, I know where I stand - it doesn't cover a damn thing.
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AnonymousJanuary 12, 2011 at 10:44 AM
love the pics! especially the pouty face one. :)

good luck with the insurance drama.
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Our Infertility Journey

Aug 2013: IVF#10: Antagonist protocol with estrogen priming at Same Big Clinic: 8 eggs, 3 mature, 2 fertilized, 2 3-day 7-cell and 8-cell transferred.

Jun 2013: IVF#9: BFN: Antagonist protocol with estrogen priming at Same Big Clinic: 9 eggs, 5 mature, 4 fertilized, 2 3-day 8-cell transferred.

Apr 2013: My son Mackenzie Ryan died at 22 weeks 1 day due to a degenerative placenta. I delivered him on April 3, 2013. It was the most horrific experience of my life.

Feb 2013: Major car accident likely damaged placenta.

Jan 2013: Our little twin left this world.

Nov 2012: IVF#8: BFP: Antagonist protocol with estrogen priming at Same Big Clinic (Clinic #3): 15 eggs, 10 mature, 9 fertilized, 1 8-cell and 1 7-cell transferred

Sept 2012: IVF#7: BFN: Antagonist protocol at Same Big Clinic (Clinic #3): 5 eggs, 4 mature, 1 fertilized, 1 9-cell transferred

Dec 2011: Hello Baby Girl! No year of "magical thinking" this time. We know no way and no how are we ever going to get knocked up naturally. Begin the weaning process in June. Take Provera in July. Fail. Move on to bcp and *finally* get period in August.

Apr/May 2011: IVF#6: BFP! Antagonist protocol with Estrogen Priming at Big Clinic (Clinic #3): 6 eggs, 4 mature, 2 fertilized, 2 3-day 8-cell and 7-cell transferred.

Mar/Apr 2011: HSG (again) and estrogen priming; Month of my Amazing 18 Antral Follicle Count

Feb/Mar 2011: Natural IUI: BFN: Pretty sure this is going to be negative, but what the heck.

Jan/Feb 2011: IVF#5: BFN: Antagonist protocol at RMA-NJ, (6 eggs, 5 mature, 4 fertilized, 2 day-5 hatching blasts transferred, 1 day-6 blast frozen)

Dec 2010: Meet with multiple doctors (RMA, SIRM-NY, Cornell). Start adoption paperwork. Begin accupuncture.

Nov 2010: IVF #4: BFN (Microdose Lupron Flare Protocol, 8 eggs, 4 mature, 4 fertilized, 1 Day 5 blastocyst & 2 Day 5 morulas transferred, none frozen)

Oct 2010: Treat mild, chronic endometritis (diagnosed in Sept endometrial biopsy).

Sept 2010: Testing. Why no implantation? HSG again (all clear!). Endometrial biopsy (endometritis:<). Diagnosed with diminished ovarian reserve (AMH=1.1, FSH=5.7).

Jul/Aug/Sept 2010: IVF #3: BFN (long lupron protocol, 9 eggs, 8 mature, 5 fert, 2 5-day transferred, none frozen)

Jun/Jul 2010: Where is my period??

Apr/May/Jun 2010: FET #2: BFN

Mar 2010: Clomid/HCG/coitis

Feb 2010: Clomid/HCG/coitis

Jan 2010: Provera to bring on period; ovulate instead, HCG trigger, timed intercourse

Dec 2009: Where is my period? 13 months no period since birth of son.

Nov 2009: SA improved! 7% normal morph=normal couple!!

Baby's First Year: Breastfeeding, recovering from awful delivery, running like crazy! My "year of magical thinking" hoping that we get to be one of those "lucky" couples that don't have any problems getting pregnant with #2. No BC. No period. No pregnancy.

Nov 2008: Hello Baby Nugget!!

Jan/Feb/Mar 2008: IVF#1: BFP!! (long stim, 6 eggs, 6 embryos, 2 3-day transferred, 2 5-day frozen)

Nov/Dec 2007: IUI #1: BFN

Oct 30, 2007: Diagnosis: Male factor infertility 2% morphology; ovulatory dsyfunction

Sept/Oct 2007: tests galore

Aug/Sept 2007: 44 day cycle; visit obgyn; referred to RE

April/May 2007: Trip to Machu Picchu for my 29th birthday; officially TTC with charting, etc.

Feb 2007: Stop taking BCP; regular periods; not preventing, but not consciously trying