They're calling for 1-2 ft of snow and I'm contemplating using it as a forced vacation from running. I've been feeling flat in speed workouts the past few weeks and struggled to maintain below a 6:30 pace at the tempo today. Went to the doctor last week to see if I was anemic, but turns out that I just have low iron stores. I am wondering if maybe all the hormones are affecting me, but I could just be burned out. I ran more than I should have last week and am definitely feeling a few niggly little aches and pains. Part of me wonders if I am just being lazy and don't want to run 18 miles on the treadmill (which will be my likely only recourse if the snow actualizes). Coach suggested I take 3-4 days off and that it was early enough in my marathon training that it wouldn't be a big deal if I missed a long run. I've already run 50 miles this week! Maybe I'll take tomorrow off and just run 4-6 miles on Sunday.
(BTW, just found *the best* distractor for Nugget: my ipod! Unlike the cell phone, he can push buttons without any negative effects. Plus, he loves music!)
Friday, February 5, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
Happy Thoughts!
I feel like I've adjusted to the surprise news about my Grandmother this week and am moving more toward acceptance of the situation. Luckily, I happen to be reading a few good books that are helping me to process it (Somewhere Toward the End; Marriage and Other Acts of Charity; etc.).
In the mean time, let's focus on some happy thoughts! Nugget's latest tricks:
--Nugget seems to have developed distinct TASTES for certain books overnight. He used to adore the book "Little Hands Love" and would have me read it to him over and over again. Not anymore. He will wag his head emphatically left and right whenever I pull it out now. He will only let me read books with pictures of dogs or cats. Otherwise, he throws a fit.
--Nugget has found TWIRLING! He loves to turn in circles and nod his head left and right. It's hilarious to watch.
--I think Nugget is trying to repeat words that I say. Today, we were visiting my grandmother and he was playing with her cat (which was hilarious to see...how many cats do you know that will let little kids pull their tail?) he repeated back "Tat" when we said Cat. His most frequent word these days is "Gog" or "dog." Everything is a "gog."
--Nugget likes to go for walks by himself. He'll just take off down the sidewalk and walk for 2 blocks until we make him call it quits and he throws a big tantrum.
Weekly Mileage:
Monday, January 25, 2010: 8.5 miles, Body Flow
Tuesday, January 26, 2010: 2 m WU, 2K (800 jog), 1600 (800 jog), 1200 (600 jog), 800 (400 jog), 400, 1 mile CD. All at around 6/6:10 min pace. Was really dragging. Coach suggested I get tested for anemia because I've been lagging the past three weeks in practices while getting plenty of sleep.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010: 11 miles am//3 miles walk pm, 30 min yoga
Thursday, January 28, 2010: 8.5 miles am//3 miles pm
Friday, January 29, 2010: 8.5 miles (decided to skip tempo and sleep in), 30 min yoga pm
Saturday, January 30, 2010: 10.2 miles am//2 miles walk pm, 30 min yoga
Sunday, January 31, 2010: 17 miles (all on the freaking treadmill; had to run early b/f going to see gmom and streets were still filled with snow...plus it was 15 degrees!)
Total Mileage: 75 miles (this was TOO big a jump from last week...I think I was running out some of the stress of learning about gmom's diagnosis)
In the mean time, let's focus on some happy thoughts! Nugget's latest tricks:
--Nugget seems to have developed distinct TASTES for certain books overnight. He used to adore the book "Little Hands Love" and would have me read it to him over and over again. Not anymore. He will wag his head emphatically left and right whenever I pull it out now. He will only let me read books with pictures of dogs or cats. Otherwise, he throws a fit.
--Nugget has found TWIRLING! He loves to turn in circles and nod his head left and right. It's hilarious to watch.
--I think Nugget is trying to repeat words that I say. Today, we were visiting my grandmother and he was playing with her cat (which was hilarious to see...how many cats do you know that will let little kids pull their tail?) he repeated back "Tat" when we said Cat. His most frequent word these days is "Gog" or "dog." Everything is a "gog."
--Nugget likes to go for walks by himself. He'll just take off down the sidewalk and walk for 2 blocks until we make him call it quits and he throws a big tantrum.
Weekly Mileage:
Monday, January 25, 2010: 8.5 miles, Body Flow
Tuesday, January 26, 2010: 2 m WU, 2K (800 jog), 1600 (800 jog), 1200 (600 jog), 800 (400 jog), 400, 1 mile CD. All at around 6/6:10 min pace. Was really dragging. Coach suggested I get tested for anemia because I've been lagging the past three weeks in practices while getting plenty of sleep.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010: 11 miles am//3 miles walk pm, 30 min yoga
Thursday, January 28, 2010: 8.5 miles am//3 miles pm
Friday, January 29, 2010: 8.5 miles (decided to skip tempo and sleep in), 30 min yoga pm
Saturday, January 30, 2010: 10.2 miles am//2 miles walk pm, 30 min yoga
Sunday, January 31, 2010: 17 miles (all on the freaking treadmill; had to run early b/f going to see gmom and streets were still filled with snow...plus it was 15 degrees!)
Total Mileage: 75 miles (this was TOO big a jump from last week...I think I was running out some of the stress of learning about gmom's diagnosis)
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Grief
I cried while I drove home, while I gave Nugget his evening bottle, while I lay in bed thinking about about the time she tried to teach me knitting and delighted in eating Ethiopian food with me a few years ago while my grandfather grumbled about not having any utensils. I ran sobbing down the streets remembering her dancing with my grandfather at my wedding to "their song." I'm sure people looked at me, crazy lady running down the street with puffy face and tear streamed cheeks. All the while, I was keenly aware of the glint of light on the water in the creek, the sound of my feet drumming, and my own breath going in and out.
To be 31 and never to have faced the death of anyone close to me is amazing. But, it doesn't make it any easier to learn that my grandmother has Stage IV lung cancer that has metasticized to her brain and lymph nodes and that she probably only has a few short months to live.
How can this be?
We were just laughing with her this past weekend, watching Nugget attack her cat and roll around with the dogs in their cages.
Sunday, January 24, 2010
Big Spring Marathon Here I Come!
Most of you are on Facebook, so you know by now that I did hear back from the Big Spring Marathon race director and ... I got in! I have to be honest, it doesn't feel *quite* right. I really want our children to be close together in age. But, the marathon is 12 weeks away. It's only 3 months. Just because I decide to run the marathon doesn't mean we can't stop trying, or at least not-not-trying. I have to decide if I want to do the Clomid-assisted trying or if I just want to hope that my body decides to act like a normal human body on its own (not likely).
If I could somehow make myself be less self-absorbed and devote the emotional energy I use to figure out my "issues" I could probably solve world hunger. I'm a little ball of nervous energy right now feeling ambivalence toward the decisions in my life. I want to start the baby-making almost as much as I want to put off the baby-making to finish my physical therapy sessions.
Plus, my grandmother--who we always thought would outlive my grandfather given that the old guy has had SEVEN heart attacks and is still doing daily crossword puzzles and complaining about the government's inability to do anything complex--has been coughing up blood and is suspected to have lung cancer. This shouldn't be a surprise as she smoked a pack+ a day for 30 some odd years. But I still can't get my head around this strong, funny old women approaching the end of her life....which makes me confront my own mortality and wonder what the heck I am doing with my life. Reading a great book right now: "Somewhere Towards The End," Diana Athill's memoirs of facing the final chapters in one's life. She's answering all the questions I want to ask my grandmother: What does it feel like to get old? Is it hopeless? Do you find yourself questioning your belief in God? Does it make you wish that you had lived your life differently? What were your favorite years? Do you miss your younger self? Do you wish you were dead already? Do you still love my grandfather? Do you believe in love? Do you believe in marriage? What do you wish you had done with your life? What are your favorite memories of your life? Are you happy? What do you think matters in life? Anything? Family? Passions? Books? Sadly, Diana tells me that while these questions never get answers and one does have a greater understanding of one's self with age, the big questions in life can never be answered. Is there God? What does it all mean? How should I be spending my time? My husband tells me I am morbid: too fascinated with imagining different scenarios in which I or my loved ones die. I love the histronics of it all, though, I reminds me that all this is ephemeral. Enough.
Weekly Mileage:
Monday, January 18, 2010: 10.2 miles (slow), BodyFlow
Tuesday, January 19, 2010: 1 m WU, 6 x 800 (2:53, 2:52, 2:51, 2:52, 2:54, 2:58) w/ 400 jogs, 1.75 DC (~6 miles) (feeling pretty run-down)
Wednesday, January 20, 2010: 75 min elliptical
Thursday, January 21, 2010: 1.25 m WU, 5K in 19:28, 1.75 CD (~6 miles) (legs feeling TIRED)
Friday, January 22, 2010: 12 miles (legs feel better, really slow jog)
Saturday, January 23, 2010: 10.2 miles, 30 minutes yoga
Sunday, January 24, 2010: 16 miles @ 7:15-7:45ish (?) pace
Total Mileage: 60.4 miles
If I could somehow make myself be less self-absorbed and devote the emotional energy I use to figure out my "issues" I could probably solve world hunger. I'm a little ball of nervous energy right now feeling ambivalence toward the decisions in my life. I want to start the baby-making almost as much as I want to put off the baby-making to finish my physical therapy sessions.
Plus, my grandmother--who we always thought would outlive my grandfather given that the old guy has had SEVEN heart attacks and is still doing daily crossword puzzles and complaining about the government's inability to do anything complex--has been coughing up blood and is suspected to have lung cancer. This shouldn't be a surprise as she smoked a pack+ a day for 30 some odd years. But I still can't get my head around this strong, funny old women approaching the end of her life....which makes me confront my own mortality and wonder what the heck I am doing with my life. Reading a great book right now: "Somewhere Towards The End," Diana Athill's memoirs of facing the final chapters in one's life. She's answering all the questions I want to ask my grandmother: What does it feel like to get old? Is it hopeless? Do you find yourself questioning your belief in God? Does it make you wish that you had lived your life differently? What were your favorite years? Do you miss your younger self? Do you wish you were dead already? Do you still love my grandfather? Do you believe in love? Do you believe in marriage? What do you wish you had done with your life? What are your favorite memories of your life? Are you happy? What do you think matters in life? Anything? Family? Passions? Books? Sadly, Diana tells me that while these questions never get answers and one does have a greater understanding of one's self with age, the big questions in life can never be answered. Is there God? What does it all mean? How should I be spending my time? My husband tells me I am morbid: too fascinated with imagining different scenarios in which I or my loved ones die. I love the histronics of it all, though, I reminds me that all this is ephemeral. Enough.
Weekly Mileage:
Monday, January 18, 2010: 10.2 miles (slow), BodyFlow
Tuesday, January 19, 2010: 1 m WU, 6 x 800 (2:53, 2:52, 2:51, 2:52, 2:54, 2:58) w/ 400 jogs, 1.75 DC (~6 miles) (feeling pretty run-down)
Wednesday, January 20, 2010: 75 min elliptical
Thursday, January 21, 2010: 1.25 m WU, 5K in 19:28, 1.75 CD (~6 miles) (legs feeling TIRED)
Friday, January 22, 2010: 12 miles (legs feel better, really slow jog)
Saturday, January 23, 2010: 10.2 miles, 30 minutes yoga
Sunday, January 24, 2010: 16 miles @ 7:15-7:45ish (?) pace
Total Mileage: 60.4 miles
Sunday, January 17, 2010
20K Race Report
I finished in 1:20:46.
As usual, I was late and gave myself about 15 minutes to get to the race. Luckily, the race was only 10 minutes from my house...but factor in traffic (there's NEVER traffic, right??); finding a parking spot within walking distance of the race with a parking meter that actually works (also, plenty of parking, right???); and picking up my race packet (no line for that, either???). Most rational human beings (plus those that would like to do a little warm-up jog) would agree that 15 minutes is not sufficient time to sanely do this. I guess I like to get my adrenaline pumping before the race. Luckily, there was no traffic and I did find a parking spot. But, the race had 3x the typical 100 people and the registration line was INSANE. They ended up just handing out chips and told us to register our chips on-line later in the day. And, we were off.
The course is 6.2 miles straight up the trail and 6.2 miles down. There were several patches of ice that I had to walk/slide over. Plus, I was SUPER prepared: I didn't bring my Garmin or my jelly beans. Awesome.
I had hoped to be able to hit my halcyon time: the 6:22/mile pace I did at the 1/2 marathon back in June. But, given the straight up-hill and ice, it didn't happen. I don't know if it will ever happen again. I did a 6:29 pace and won the race, so I guess I shouldn't complain. But, I wonder what I'm doing wrong. I shouldn't be too hard on myself. This is the longest distance I have run since the marathon. I didn't taper a lot. I've only done 3 speed workouts and no tempo runs.
Past Two Week's Mileage:
Monday, January 4, 2010: 9 miles on TM, Body Flow
Tuesday, January 5, 2010: 1.5 WU, 3200 (12:11), 1200 jog, 1600 (5:53), 800 jog, 800 (1:52), 400 jog, 400 (1:27), 200 jog, 400 (1:29), 1 mile CD = 9 miles
Wednesday, January 6, 2010: 10.2 miles, P90x Shoulders
Thursday, January 7, 2010: 9.5 miles
Friday, January 8, 2010: 8.5 miles in snow; 2.5 miles TM=11 miles
Saturday, January 9, 2010: 11 miles
Sunday, January 10, 2010: 11.6 miles
Total: 71.3 miles
Monday, January 11, 2010: 8.5 miles, went to sleep at 6:45 pm!!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010: 1.75 WU, 1200, 400 jog, 400, 200 jog, 1200, 400 jog, 1.75 CD, Body Flow
Wednesday, January 13, 2010: 10.2 miles, 20 minutes Jillian (woohoo! I am WEAK!)
Thursday, January 14, 2010: 8.5 miles
Friday, January 15, 2010: P90x Yoga (90 freaking minutes!)
Saturday, January 16, 2010: 20k in 1:20:46, 5 miles cooldown
Sunday, January 17, 2010: 8.5 miles
Total: 59.1 miles
As usual, I was late and gave myself about 15 minutes to get to the race. Luckily, the race was only 10 minutes from my house...but factor in traffic (there's NEVER traffic, right??); finding a parking spot within walking distance of the race with a parking meter that actually works (also, plenty of parking, right???); and picking up my race packet (no line for that, either???). Most rational human beings (plus those that would like to do a little warm-up jog) would agree that 15 minutes is not sufficient time to sanely do this. I guess I like to get my adrenaline pumping before the race. Luckily, there was no traffic and I did find a parking spot. But, the race had 3x the typical 100 people and the registration line was INSANE. They ended up just handing out chips and told us to register our chips on-line later in the day. And, we were off.
The course is 6.2 miles straight up the trail and 6.2 miles down. There were several patches of ice that I had to walk/slide over. Plus, I was SUPER prepared: I didn't bring my Garmin or my jelly beans. Awesome.
I had hoped to be able to hit my halcyon time: the 6:22/mile pace I did at the 1/2 marathon back in June. But, given the straight up-hill and ice, it didn't happen. I don't know if it will ever happen again. I did a 6:29 pace and won the race, so I guess I shouldn't complain. But, I wonder what I'm doing wrong. I shouldn't be too hard on myself. This is the longest distance I have run since the marathon. I didn't taper a lot. I've only done 3 speed workouts and no tempo runs.
Past Two Week's Mileage:
Monday, January 4, 2010: 9 miles on TM, Body Flow
Tuesday, January 5, 2010: 1.5 WU, 3200 (12:11), 1200 jog, 1600 (5:53), 800 jog, 800 (1:52), 400 jog, 400 (1:27), 200 jog, 400 (1:29), 1 mile CD = 9 miles
Wednesday, January 6, 2010: 10.2 miles, P90x Shoulders
Thursday, January 7, 2010: 9.5 miles
Friday, January 8, 2010: 8.5 miles in snow; 2.5 miles TM=11 miles
Saturday, January 9, 2010: 11 miles
Sunday, January 10, 2010: 11.6 miles
Total: 71.3 miles
Monday, January 11, 2010: 8.5 miles, went to sleep at 6:45 pm!!
Tuesday, January 12, 2010: 1.75 WU, 1200, 400 jog, 400, 200 jog, 1200, 400 jog, 1.75 CD, Body Flow
Wednesday, January 13, 2010: 10.2 miles, 20 minutes Jillian (woohoo! I am WEAK!)
Thursday, January 14, 2010: 8.5 miles
Friday, January 15, 2010: P90x Yoga (90 freaking minutes!)
Saturday, January 16, 2010: 20k in 1:20:46, 5 miles cooldown
Sunday, January 17, 2010: 8.5 miles
Total: 59.1 miles
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
Cave-Woman Exercise Plan
So, my husband has been trying to sell me on the "cave-woman exercise plan" while we try for #2 (yes, still undecided...perhaps will start the "not not trying" method...). He posits that our bodies basically stopped evolving around the stone age and our reptilian brains are hard-wired to think our greatest threats are sabor-toothed tigers and wooly mammoths. Thus, he says that running results in a "flight or fight" response in our reptilian brains telling our bodies that we are in danger. Thus "all that running" tells my body that tigers, lions, and bears (oh my!) are abound and it is NOT A GOOD TIME to reproduce. Under this theory, lifting "stones" (weights), walking, bending, and stretching would be the only sanctioned activities as they replicate normal, non-threatened activity in the life of a cavewoman. I tell him that cavewomen also probably bit their spouses and were quite hairy, but he is not deterred.
Still undecided on the baby-making, although I have just completed my 10 days on provera, which is supposed to bring on my period. I HATE HORMONES. I've probably gained about five pounds because the stupid pill makes me want to eat EVERYTHING NOT NAILED DOWN. Seriously. I've been waking up in the middle of the night ravenous despite eating plenty during the day. I don't know if you all get cravings right before your period, but I have a craving for all things umami, savory, yummy, FATTY. Peanut butter, real ice-cream, real cheese (will someone PLEASE hide the White Stilton with Mango and Ginger!!!), CHEESE, CHEESE, CHEESE! I'm hoping that this just means that my period is coming and this will be over. I know it's not healthy, but man I like not having a period! No emotional rollercoaster, no bloating, no cravings.
I'm running a 20K this weekend. I ran it in 1:31:34 last year 11 weeks post partum and 6 weeks of running (7:22 pace)! I'm a little nervous about it. What if I don't run well?? I'm trying to do a mini-taper and not repeat the mistake I made with the 20K this summer. But...with all this bloating and massive consumption of food, I want to run!!
I also sent in an email to the Big Spring Marathon race director asking if there was any way that I could get in. We'll see. If he/she says yes, than we'll push back baby-making. If no, then we'll forge ahead.
Still undecided on the baby-making, although I have just completed my 10 days on provera, which is supposed to bring on my period. I HATE HORMONES. I've probably gained about five pounds because the stupid pill makes me want to eat EVERYTHING NOT NAILED DOWN. Seriously. I've been waking up in the middle of the night ravenous despite eating plenty during the day. I don't know if you all get cravings right before your period, but I have a craving for all things umami, savory, yummy, FATTY. Peanut butter, real ice-cream, real cheese (will someone PLEASE hide the White Stilton with Mango and Ginger!!!), CHEESE, CHEESE, CHEESE! I'm hoping that this just means that my period is coming and this will be over. I know it's not healthy, but man I like not having a period! No emotional rollercoaster, no bloating, no cravings.
I'm running a 20K this weekend. I ran it in 1:31:34 last year 11 weeks post partum and 6 weeks of running (7:22 pace)! I'm a little nervous about it. What if I don't run well?? I'm trying to do a mini-taper and not repeat the mistake I made with the 20K this summer. But...with all this bloating and massive consumption of food, I want to run!!
I also sent in an email to the Big Spring Marathon race director asking if there was any way that I could get in. We'll see. If he/she says yes, than we'll push back baby-making. If no, then we'll forge ahead.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Flip Flop
Now I've gone and changed my mind! We've already started down the conception path. I'm half-way into my dosage of provera to bring on my period...and I'm having cold feet.
Exhibit A: One of my friends at the track the other day asked what races I'm going to be doing "because [you're] in awesome shape." And, I shrugged my shoulders. This is ANTITHETICAL to my being. I'm a PLANNER. I like to have goals on the horizon. And, I see nothing. A big empty bunch of months waiting to get pregnant. I'd like to try my hand at some races with this *fitness* but, I also feel like part of me is hesitant. What if I run a race and I don't do as well as I think I could? So what? Getting pregnant or trying to get pregnant is a good excuse not to race...or fail for that matter.
Exhibit B: I've been going to physical therapy to deal with some issues that my difficult labor caused. I'd like to say that it's really embarrassing, but after laying legs splayed open in front of total strangers during my labor my threshold for flushed cheeks has been pretty much been obliterated. This can lead to awkward conversations in which I am blunty honest and watch my co-conversant recoil slighty at the too-much-detail information provided. For those that might have similar issues, this involves stretching the vaginal muscles, massaging the episiotomy scar tissue, and training my pelvic floor muscles to strengthen and relax. I'm also working on strengthening my lower ab muscles, which are apparently still separated (which explains the lower ab pooch that ails me). I thought that I could continue this therapy when I got pregnant, but my PT said that she would have to stop. She's really concerned about my ability to have another vaginal delivery...and so am I for that matter. I'd hate to stop getting PT before these issues are resolved.
Ahhh!
My husband who had been strongly on the side of LETS START ASAP is now waffling and even suggested I see if I can get into Big Spring Marathon and then start trying. What? I had closed myself off to this possibility.
Help!
Exhibit A: One of my friends at the track the other day asked what races I'm going to be doing "because [you're] in awesome shape." And, I shrugged my shoulders. This is ANTITHETICAL to my being. I'm a PLANNER. I like to have goals on the horizon. And, I see nothing. A big empty bunch of months waiting to get pregnant. I'd like to try my hand at some races with this *fitness* but, I also feel like part of me is hesitant. What if I run a race and I don't do as well as I think I could? So what? Getting pregnant or trying to get pregnant is a good excuse not to race...or fail for that matter.
Exhibit B: I've been going to physical therapy to deal with some issues that my difficult labor caused. I'd like to say that it's really embarrassing, but after laying legs splayed open in front of total strangers during my labor my threshold for flushed cheeks has been pretty much been obliterated. This can lead to awkward conversations in which I am blunty honest and watch my co-conversant recoil slighty at the too-much-detail information provided. For those that might have similar issues, this involves stretching the vaginal muscles, massaging the episiotomy scar tissue, and training my pelvic floor muscles to strengthen and relax. I'm also working on strengthening my lower ab muscles, which are apparently still separated (which explains the lower ab pooch that ails me). I thought that I could continue this therapy when I got pregnant, but my PT said that she would have to stop. She's really concerned about my ability to have another vaginal delivery...and so am I for that matter. I'd hate to stop getting PT before these issues are resolved.
Ahhh!
My husband who had been strongly on the side of LETS START ASAP is now waffling and even suggested I see if I can get into Big Spring Marathon and then start trying. What? I had closed myself off to this possibility.
Help!
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