Lately, Nathan has been wanting to have all of his toys in his mouth all at once. If he is holding one toy, he starts crying because he wants another toy. I have found that by limiting him to one or two toys is the best way to keep peace. Otherwise, he is just frustrated by the situation.
If only someone could do the same for me.
I want it all.
I want to work and have a career. I want to stay at home and spend lots of quality time with Nathan. I want to have a very nice spending budget, a new house, and the ability to take big, expensive trips to far-away places. I want to have lots of options and not lock my husand or I into a certain lifestyle. I want to train for marathons and triathalons. I want to sleep in and not have to run at odd-ball hours.
But, I can't have it all.
I tend to view life in binary choices. Yes. No. Black. White. Career. No Career. But, we all know that life operates in shades of grey. I need to accept that there ARE do-overs and that you make mistakes. There is no perfect life. Just the one that you make.
So, thank you all for your kind comments and pearls of wisdom:
- "The most important thing to realize is that the decision you make today doesn't have to be the long term decision."
- "Kids are resilient."
- "I don't know how it's possible to fit it all in?"
- "I think that you will fall into a routine and be fine and fit everything in, just not 100% with everything."
- "I really did find the fear of [going back to work] MUCH WORSE than just DOING IT. "
- "It works out in different ways for different moms. Some moms are surprised to find that they are happier than they expected to be and other moms are surprised to find that they are not as pleased as they thought they might be. And that can probably be said for any mom/work choice - full time, part time, stay at home."
- "Expect to be frazzled at first but know that eventually it will be OKAY."
In other news, I am afraid I might have shin splints and possibly a stress fracture. The last time I had shin splints was in college. I was new to running and wore VERY old shoes and wasn't buying milk because it cost too much (see! I've lived on cheaper budgets!). I thought I had really bad shin splints and had bruises all along my shins. It got to the point that I was having a hard time walking, so I went to the school clinic. They diagnosed me with shin splints and actually put me on crutches to help them heal. It took months before they stopped hurting and I could run again. About four years ago while getting a bone scan to figure out if anything was wrong with my spine that was causing my sciatica, they found a calcium deposit in my tibia, indicating that I had a stress fracture at some point in time. Given the immense amount of pain that I had, I think that my shin splints were actually stress fracture.
Today after returning from my long run, my shin really started to hurt and I noticed that I have bruising all along my leg. Uh oh. Given that I really haven't been eating dairy in the past month and breastfeeding women are at risk for lack of calcium, I am worried that it is a stress fracture. I am icing it and hopping myself up on Ibuprofen. I'm going to take 1-2 days off and see if that helps. If not, the 1/2 marathon coming up in three weeks might be off the table. Ug.
Weekly Mileage:
Monday, May 11, 2009: Body Pump, 70 minutes elliptical
Tuesday, May 12, 2009: Track Workout: 1.75 mile warm-up; 2x 200 stride; 2 miles @ 6:15; 1200 jog; 2x 800 @ 6:05 w/ 400 jog; 2 x 400 @ 6:00, 1 mile cool down (7-8 miles total)
Wednesday, May 13, 2009: 10 miles, Power Yoga video
Thursday, May 14, 2009: 9 miles @ 7:48
Friday, May 15, 2009: 9.4 miles
Saturday, May 16, 2009: 9.4 miles
Sunday, May 17, 2009: 16 miles @ 8:15 pace
Total Mileage: 61.8 miles
You know my story with going back to work. All I can say is that it really is one of those things for which there is no right answer. What's right for me is what's right for me and what's right for you is what's right for you. Do what makes sense with your family's values and stay true to that and you really can't go wrong. Every choice in this area is hard and there is some loss along the way, but have an open mind and you'll get through it and who knows where life will take you.
ReplyDeleteTake care of yourself! Get the OJ with calcium and Vitamin D. That's what I do since I can't have dairy either (man do I miss cheese!)
Your Nate is so cute! My Nate is shoving everything in his mouth too. We took him out to dinner last night and he kept grabbing EVERYTHING on the table! It was hilarious!
Hope everything is ok with the shins!
Oh, shinsplints. I hope that is all they are and that you're able to up your calcium & vitamin D. Take care of yourself; I hope the rest day(s) help.
ReplyDeleteYour story about the calcium deposits and old, healed stress fracture is like mine. I had no idea my bones were under so much stress until years later. I'm not sure whether I'd endure that pain again or if I'd have the good sense to lay off running and heal.
I hope things work out well. Keep us posted.
And things in the mouth: Claire too. I figure it's building up natural immunity. Toes, thumbs, toys, spoons, candles (she looked guilty when I caught that one). Fun, fun. Better than tv.