I cried while I drove home, while I gave Nugget his evening bottle, while I lay in bed thinking about about the time she tried to teach me knitting and delighted in eating Ethiopian food with me a few years ago while my grandfather grumbled about not having any utensils. I ran sobbing down the streets remembering her dancing with my grandfather at my wedding to "their song." I'm sure people looked at me, crazy lady running down the street with puffy face and tear streamed cheeks. All the while, I was keenly aware of the glint of light on the water in the creek, the sound of my feet drumming, and my own breath going in and out.
To be 31 and never to have faced the death of anyone close to me is amazing. But, it doesn't make it any easier to learn that my grandmother has Stage IV lung cancer that has metasticized to her brain and lymph nodes and that she probably only has a few short months to live.
How can this be?
We were just laughing with her this past weekend, watching Nugget attack her cat and roll around with the dogs in their cages.
Oh, I'm so sorry. She sounds like a wonderful woman who will be greatly missed. I hope you have more time than you think.
ReplyDeleteIt is hard to accept death even when we think we have an understanding of what the purpose of life is and where we go after this life. But particularly with disease, cancer especially, there comes a point where death is a sweet release from the suffering our bodies experience.
ReplyDeleteDeath is sweet in that it allows us to look at the life of a person and recognize what all they did that influenced our own life for good, what they did that influenced others. It is a sweet reunion with family to laugh about the funny times and to cry over the sadness that a loved one is no longer with us.
From your last post it already seems that the sudden diagnosis and life expectancy of your grandmother is sparking within you thoughts of contemplation and recognition of exactly how important she is to you. Treasure the appreciation you have right now for the life she has lived and let it translate over into other areas of your life.
I'm so sorry! {{{HUGS}}} Sending thoughts your way.
ReplyDeleteMCM Mama
I am so sorry for you. I hope that the last few months of time you have together will be good for all.
ReplyDeleteoh, that just sucks. i'm sorry. running + crying = good therapy though.
ReplyDeleteI'm going through the same thing with two grandparents at the same time. All I can think is that I'm happy to be almost 35 and still have all 4! Cherish the rest of your time with her. What else can we do?
ReplyDeleteThis is so tough, I'm not sure if it is harder when you know it is coming. Try to relish in all of the memories and maybe write them down/make a memory book! I'm sorry :(
ReplyDeleteOh man. :( I'm so sorry. She sounds precious.
ReplyDeleteOh I'm so sorry. My grandmother (the only grandparent I have left) also has stage IV cancer right now. Sucks. My heart goes out to you and your family.
ReplyDeleteI am so sorry to hear this news. My heart goes out to you and your family. My grandmother died in the fall and it just broke my heart and it was especially hard to see my father and grandfather go through this.
ReplyDelete