I'm 21 weeks today.
While talking to a grad school friend/work colleague today outside of the bathroom, I felt the urge to tell her that I was pregnant. Turning to the side, I ran my hands over my belly, thinking that my bump would be a "cute" way to announce the pregnancy as I tear up anytime I tell someone. She looked at me, confused. "No, I'm not pregnant," she says. I laughed and told her that I was the one that was pregnant. She was incredulous. "I couldn't tell." Lowering her voice, she ask "Did it take a while?" She knew that we had some "troubles" with Nugget. Instead of finding the question a little biting, I found it to be a simple, matter-of-fact response: "yes."
I suppose that means I'm healing. I don't get as ANGRY or BITTER when I think about it. It took a while. But not forever. How quickly I seem to forget the pain.
I think it is a function that in retrospect I can look back...with perspective...and say that 16 months of fertility treatments was not forever. If everything works out with this baby, it will be a small piece of my past. It won't be everything.
*hug* :) We are so much more than our infertility ... it's just hard to remember sometimes.
ReplyDeletePain does become less raw. and while a small scar will probably remain, you're quite right it won't be everything. my fingers are crossed for the second half of your pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad you are healing. It makes me happy and gives me hope that I may eventually get there some day. It's funny that your coworker didn't get it... lol! I can't believe this is half over for you. Where dies the time go?
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you're healing and feeling better. Yes, there are lots of people who are in treatment for years and years and never succeed, but the thing is, wherever you are in your journey when things aren't working is the suckiest point for you...
ReplyDeleteBut heal on, it's good for the soul!
MyTwoLines
I hope I can get to that point, thx for sharing x
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