Three years ago today, at 1 am…I awoke to contractions unlike the Braxton Hicks contractions I had been experiencing for months. I excitedly awoke my husband, squeezing his arm and smiling, because THE DAY had come. We were finally going to get to meet our baby boy. I spent the rest of the early morning hours lying in bed, trying to sleep through the contractions, anxiously awaiting to confront the unknowns: what would my boy look like? What would labor feel like? Would my son be healthy and normal? At that point, I had resolved that Nugget didn't have a trisomy, but there was some doubt, given his small stature. We had hoped to have a natural delivery. I dutifully attended hypnobirthing classes and spent hours meditating to try and teach myself to relax. An utter failure. At 7 am, we got up and went to vote. It was an important presidential election and we didn't want to miss it. Plus, we figured that we would have plenty of time since we were only in early labor. We walked the two blocks to the election location, taking breaks when I had contractions, and got in the long line that wrapped around the block. At some point, an election official noticed that I was having contractions and came over to ask if I was OK. Sure, I replied, indicating that I was only in early labor and probably had hours before anything interesting would start happening. They didn't want me to go into labor on site, however, and insisted that we go to the front of the line and vote. Vote we did! I got a sticker for myself ("I voted!") and my belly ("Future Voter"). And, we headed home to labor for a couple more hours before heading to the hospital for the first of many roundtrips that day. If you really want to read the full labor story,
go here.
In the end, Nugget was born early the next morning, after a delicious epidural and a lot of screaming. My first words when he was born: "Is he healthy?" and "What's wrong with his head?"
The years have passed both too slowly and too quickly since then. There are moments when I think I shouldn't bother writing any of this down as I think some of my little Nugget's antics will be sealed away in my memory forever. But, I worry that my memories are already starting to fade from this precious time in our lives. He has brought us such joy (and frustration:>). There is nothing we love more than to watch him revel n something, figure something out, or conquer a new milestone. I'm not sure how to describe his personality, as I think character is defined by contrast, and I can't say that I know too many children his age. Plus, I think personality is something that evolves. What defines him now, may be contradictory later.
He loves to play swords, yelling "ON GUARD!," and running around the house.
He's stubborn and doesn't like to be disciplined. If you tell him he shouldn't hit, kick, or shove, he'll coyly look the other way and sob when you put him in time out. But, in the end, he'll give his victim a hug and a kiss and profess "I sorry!" while running away.
He likes to put together puzzles or figure out how things fit together.
He loves to cook and most nights will stand on a step stool meticulously stirring pots (and miraculously not getting burned). His favorite dish: "I cook chicken eggs."
He is affectionate and hugs and kisses everyone when leaving.
He loves to dress up as a MONSTER and growl ferociously or run around in his cape saying "I FLY! I FLY!"
He wants his mommy first and foremost and believes that my kiss makes his boo boos better.
I desperately love him so much it hurts. As all mothers love their children. I fear the time when I won't be able to protect him from pain. When children make fun of his idiosyncracies and he will actually care what they think. When life disappoints him and he has to struggle with the hard truth that it isn't fair. Love hurts. Failure hurts. I fear the time when he won't want to know me or let me know him. When he will separate from me and move on with his own life. For always, there will be a phantom string between us, pulling at my heart. For he is my boy, my love.
Comparison to pregnancy #1
