A Trip to the ER

On Friday, my husband started having chest pains.

My husband who only goes to doctors when symptoms have reached some critical state which cannot be ignored.

We're sitting down, finally relaxing with respective glasses of wine after putting the kids to bed, when he leans over his knees, gasping. He tells me he can't catch his breath.

Commence Internet research.

We tried to find something, anything on the Internets which would indicate that this is not a Major Situation. All decision trees lead to Go To The ER Immediately.

So, at 9:30, we frantically call my sister-in-law and ask her to come watch the kids.

We spend the next four hours in the hospital. Getting EKG tests, blood tests, pokes and prods.

Summation: anxiety.

No indication of a heart attack or a blood clot or anything else that might have caused the pain.

Two weeks into No Job status and we're both hyperventilating a little. Wanting for a safety net. Considering canceling summer vacation plans. Trying to figure out how long our money will last. If we can afford fertility treatments. If we can afford another kid. If I need to go back to work full-time and immediately.

But, I will take this Unknowing over the Unknowing we faced this time last year. As irritating as it is not to know what life holds for us in six months, the big questions are answered. Will I get to experience pregnancy again? Will my son get to be a brother? The small questions can be answered later. Will I get to reboot my career? Will we get to move into a house that doesn't turn into a sauna in the summer due to lack of insulation and crappy air conditioning?

I have to remind myself that the smaller questions aren't as important. And, to not feel sorry for myself for hitting a rough patch again. It's so easy to slip down into the mire of depressed attitude about all of this. Get back up and start the good fight again.