Boobies

I went to a breastfeeding class today. There were about 20 pregnant women packed in a 15x20 foot room. It was insanely hot with so many burgeoning bellies in such a small circumference! The class was reassuring more than anything else. After all my reading and conversations with other mothers, I feel slightly prepared that I know *something* about nursing.

After the class, about 6 of us stayed to get measured for nursing bras and our nipples checked out. For the record, I am a very bashful person "in the locker room" so to speak. I don't change in front of my sisters or my friends....even my oldest friends that know everything about me will never see me prancing around in my underwear. When changing at the gym, I face the locker and do all the middle school tricks so that no-one really sees you changing. So, when the instructor first said that we would all be fitted for bras in the SAME room and then look at each others nipples, my first reaction was "hell no." But, then I figured that I would never see these women again and that I really needed to get fitted for a bra and I didn't have that much time left, so I needed to suck it up. So, I stayed. Turns out, at the PEAK of my pregnancy, I am a whopping 34 B. Wow. Most of the other women were whipping out the D's. Oh well, I guess I won't have saggy breasts? Also, I was worried that I had flat or inverted nipples as I've always likened my nipples to 12 year old adolescents. I don't have the "porn star" nipples that stick out. The lactation consultant said that my nipples were fine and that the baby would pull them out and even commented on my nice, numerous Montgomery's tubercles. It was hilarious to me to see so many pregnant women walking around with their bellies sticking out and staring at each other's nipples, but also pretty neat. We were all about to join the oldest sorority in the world....the mom club!

As for staying mentally sane while waiting to find out about the baby on the 23rd, I am in a much better place now. I had a monitoring session on Monday and the baby showed good fetal movement, blood flow, heart rate, and was even "practice breathing." I go in tomorrow for more monitoring and actually get to talk to my OBGyn for the first time in person since I got the IUGR diagnosis. At this point, I am taking the attitude that I cannot worry about the baby until he comes as there is nothing that I can do at this point if there is something wrong with him. I have always been a worry wart that focuses on the worst case scenario (so as to be prepared) and I am slowly learning...through IVF and pregnancy...that I don't control anything by worrying and that the best that I can do is to try and be positive about the situation and have faith in my strength. No one gets through life without suffering, so you have to learn how to live through it. As much as I believe this to be a truth, I also believe that you have to choose to be happy and choose to find the things about living that make it worthwhile. OK...enough from me....