Last night, I was cold, chilly. I asked my husband and MIL if they were cold. No, they said. We're comfortable. I took my temperature: 97.2. And, became convinced that I am NOT pregnant. For, if I was pregnant, my temperature would be higher. Granted it was 97.6 when I took it this morning…but, shouldn't it be warmer? Shouldn't I be hot?
All day long, I've been feeling shaky. As if I am not sure that my legs can withstand the weight of my body. My heart aflutter, I fear the results on Sunday. I fear that we'll face another failure. I fear that we'll never have more children of our own. That we'll do IVF again and again with the same negative result.
I feel anger. Resentment. That last year at Thanksgiving I was so hopeful, thanking God for the improvement in hubby's sperm that put us in "normal land," which was apparently a fluke test. Because we are nothing close to normal.
And, yet. I still feel like this could all be some big mistake. That we are indeed fertile. That we've just had bad timing or bad luck. We're still fertile, viable young people. That can have sex and make a baby.
Help me find the strength to make it through these next four days…and weeks after that if the result is negative.
*hug* we're here ... hoping with you, but also here if the news isn't what we hope it will be.
ReplyDeleteHugs! Huge hugs... I hate the two week wait because it is just agony...maybe those weak symptoms are a good sign?? Hold onto hope dear friend .
ReplyDeleteMy heart goes out to you - oh how I wish I could make it all better for all of us. But you ARE fertile and strong and you will get through this! I hope good news awaits you. Will be thinking about you this weekend.
ReplyDeletethe body temperature varies so much through the day - that's why when doing fertility charting they always get you to take it first thing on waking with minimal movement (and when you're much warmer). I've taken mine randomly during the day and it's always quite a bit cooler! 97.6 on waking sounds promising! That's about where my temp sits in the 2ww....best wishes getting through this time, crossing my fingers for you.
ReplyDeletethinking of you. any update?
ReplyDeletei'm sending you strength. i hate that looming sense of doom. its awful. sending you as much strength as i can muster. hugs. and hoping for the best result possible!
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